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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27554563">Guide to anything and everything</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pusillanimousstar/pseuds/Pusillanimousstar'>Pusillanimousstar</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pusillanimousstar/pseuds/rhapsodic'>rhapsodic (Pusillanimousstar)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:35:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27554563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pusillanimousstar/pseuds/Pusillanimousstar, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pusillanimousstar/pseuds/rhapsodic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>This is just me copy and pasting posts from HGK477's tumblr blog, and other blogs because google docs was not working out,</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Instructions For a Walk in the Woods</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is just me copy and pasting posts from HGK477's tumblr blog, and other blogs because google docs was not working out,</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-Always bring a knife, never bring a gun. A hunting knife works best.</p><p>-If you go alone, you risk yourself. If you go with others, you risk them. Know <b>your</b> priorities </p><p>-<b>Never</b> check your phone, date, or time. Never contact <b>other people</b>.</p><p>-If you get a phone call from <b>Unknown</b> , answer it. They will lead you to places you must see. If it's from someone you know, <b>do not answer</b>. That is not who you think it is.</p><p>-If you hear voices, don't respond to their questions. If they tell you to get out of the woods, <b>dont</b>. There is no way out but through.</p><p>-Never make eye contact with other beings, living or otherwise. <b>They</b> are not to be trusted.</p><p>-If you see animal tracks, follow. This <em> may </em> lead you to something interesting. If you see Human tracks, do not follow. This person did not make it out.</p><p>-If you hear a low voice asking for help, <b>run</b>.</p><p>-If you see a street light with no street, do <b>not</b> let the light from it touch you. </p><p>-If you find bones, don't take them. Otherwise <b>They</b> will follow</p><p> </p><p>There is no threat in a passing glance and a smile shared between two strangers in the woods, these are normal things. The ones who tell you to fear them are not to be trusted</p><p>responding to the voices is never a gamble you want to make. But in the odd chance you decide to respond, you must pay attention to the tone of their voice. If it is a whisper asking what your favorite pie is, you can answer in the same tone. If they offer you a slice you must take it, don’t offend them. If it is a deep raspy voice asking you for help, don’t answer. You do not want to be tied down. The low voice belongs to the lost and if you follow you will simply fade. If you check your phone you risk the chance of getting a glance of what’s behind you, and checking the time. That’s what the <b>other people</b> want.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. How to care for a cat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>How to care for a Cat</h2><ul>
<li>Get a cat, but let the cat choose you. They can see what you don’t. Also, don’t go into the back alone. They don’t like newcomers.</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>Buy your cat food, bowls, a collar (preferably with a bell) toys, a bed, and a scratching post. When buying this stuff, ask for Allen. He knows what each cat needs for a successful hunt.</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>Leave your kitty cat alone and allow them to explore. They need to sniff out the problem areas of your house.</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>When you are off to bed, turn your lights off. The light hinders their ability to catch the demon.</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>If you hear running and shuffling outside your door, do not be alarmed. Your cat is chasing away the demon.</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>If you hear meowing outside of the door, that means that your cat has had a successful hunt. When opening the door, do not look down the dark hallway. You might meet eyes with the strays. They don’t like eye contact.</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>Quickly shut your door and make your way to bed. Allow your kitty to do as it pleases.</li>
</ul><ul>
<li>Enjoy the presence of your new kitty. :)</li>
</ul><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. How to fall asleep in their arms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>How to Fall Asleep In Their Arms</h2><ol>
<li>Calm down, this is a peaceful and relaxing setting. No need to worry.</li>
<li>Don’t forget to breathe, this is important, you don’t want to seem dead. It might worry them.</li>
<li>Listen to their heartbeat, yours will sync up with it sooner or later. This will calm you even more.</li>
<li>Pay attention to their breathing, like the heartbeats, yours will sync with theirs at some point.</li>
<li>Get comfortable, they love you and wouldn’t let anything hurt you. You’re safe here.</li>
<li>Shut your eyes. You don’t need to see what’s going on in the world anymore. You’re safe here.</li>
<li>Try to tune out the background noise around you. Nothing else in the world matters aside from the two of you in this moment. You’re safe here.</li>
<li>Drift off to sleep. They’ve got you, you’ll be fine. You’re safe here.</li>
<li>Don’t wake up. You don’t need to leave. You’re safe here.</li>
</ol><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A guide to working the night shift</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>A guide to working the night shift</h2><ol>
<li>Check it there is going to be a full moon. If there is not, go in as normal. You will be okay.</li>
<li>If there will be a full moon, it is essential to follow this guide.</li>
<li>Get lots of sleep the day before.</li>
<li>Bring a fully charged phone, snacks, and water. Do not bring any flavored drink. The spirits will turn it to water, anyway.</li>
<li>About an hour before work, drive to your nearest Church. Do not walk or take the bus. If you must, ignore anyone who tries to talk to you on the way. They will be spirits trying to learn more about you.</li>
<li>Enter the Church and put some holy water on your hand. This will not do particularly anything, but it is nice to have some reassurance.</li>
<li>If there is an old man in the pews, ask him for his greatest piece of advice. If he ignores you, and he will, ask him again. He will tell you to be careful at work tonight. Make sure to thank him for his time, he will appreciate your manners.</li>
<li>Drive to work. Be a bit early, the spirits will not expect you to be early.</li>
<li>If you know your co-worker(s) well, ask them for gum. If they give you mint, back away slowly and continue working as normal. They are a spirit in disguise. Any other flavor, tell them to leave early. Do not take no for an answer.</li>
<li>If you do not know your co-worker(s) well, do not get too attached. They will be dead before 11pm. Do not feel guilty, there is nothing you can do.</li>
<li>Keep an eye on the clock. Do not walk or talk loudly, it can hear you. Do not wonder about what “it” is, you wouldn’t be able to fathom it anyway.</li>
<li>Once the clock hits 11 pm, the lights will go off. Do not worry, they will go back on soon.</li>
<li>When they come back on, your co-workers will be gone. Do not cry. The spirits will not pity you. There will be 3 customers left. 2 are spirits, one is real. You should help the real customer escape, he will give you something you need. However, you cannot leave with them. It will not allow you to.</li>
<li>Approach the first customer. Ask him if he needs any help. Slowly tap your foot while talking with them. If they cover their ears, apologize. They are a spirit. Spirits hate foot tapping. They will not hurt you, at least for now. Repeat until you find the real customer.</li>
<li>Tell the real customer that Bob sent you. He will know what you mean. He will begin to exit the store with his items in hand, unpaid for. Remind him that he must pay. He will glance at you, then begin walking out again. Do not worry, he will have paid you. You will find out what he gave you soon.</li>
<li>Now, you will be alone with the two spirit customers. Relax for a little bit, the worst is yet to come. Drink your water, but not too much. You don’t know what the spirits could have put in there.</li>
<li>Once the clock hits midnight, the lights will shut off again. Except this time they will not come back on. Leave the register, go to the back of the store. You will see a bottle of water that is upside down. Take it and drink it, for that is not water. You will be able to see better now.</li>
<li>Items from the shelves will begin to fall over. Pick them back up. You are, after all, working the night shift. If items from the fridges begin to fall, the spirits are extra angry. You must have wronged them. I told you to follow the guide exactly. I am sorry. Death is not what you should fear. What will happen to you is much worse than death.</li>
<li>If the fridges stay intact, you are safe for now. Do not talk or yell. Do not bother calling the police. Call your mom. Mother knows best. She will pick up. Although, it will not be your mom. Nevertheless, listen to her. She will tell you how to contact the spirits. I cannot share that information with you.</li>
<li>Use her instructions and contact the spirits. Ask them to spare you. They will say no. That is expected.</li>
<li>Spirits do not spare people willingly. They take trades, however. It is not easy to trade with a spirit. They only accept souls. People are only born with one soul, their own.</li>
<li>Put your hand in your right pocket. You will feel something indescribable. Do not pull it out. It is what the real customer paid you with, a soul. Do not feel bad, he has many.</li>
<li>Contact the spirits using the method from before. If you do not remember how there is nothing you can do. I am sorry. Your fate is sealed.</li>
<li>Tell the spirits you have a trade. Take the soul out of your pocket, and hold it up above your head. You will feel your legs begin to weaken. You will fall to your knees, and eventually you will pass out. You will wake up with the soul gone and the lights back on. Continue working as normal, the spirits have spared you.</li>
<li>Do not speak of this event to anyone, the spirits will not take kindly to that. They will appreciate your silence. Make sure to call your mom and thank her. She will not have any idea what you are talking about, but she will appreciate the gesture.</li>
</ol><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A guide to surviving american suburbia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>A Guide to Surviving American Suburbia</span>
</h2>
<ol>
<li><span>Your house is big. It looks the same as all the other houses in the neighborhood. Has it always? Don’t think too hard about it, you will find things in your memory you don’t want to.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask the tiktok boy with ripped jeans and bleached hair for assistance, if needed. What he will give may not be what you need, but it is what you want.</span></li>
<li><span>The group of skinny pilates moms clad in pink never stops running. You shouldn’t either.</span></li>
<li><span>You haven’t eaten in weeks, maybe years. Do not tell your father that you are hungry or his smile might have too many teeth when he replies.</span></li>
<li><span>Your neighbor is having a Sunday barbecue. Do not go if the family has not audibly fought for at least a month. Ideally, the shouting should begin the morning of said barbecue.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep holy water in a hydro flask. It won’t do anything, but it might be comforting.</span></li>
<li><span>Blend in at all times. If you do not, they will see and they will not be pleased.</span></li>
<li><span>If there are cranberries in the salad, that is not your mother.</span></li>
<li><span>At one point, there was more than hard-packed dirt and neat grass in your lawn. Do not change this, or it may invite danger into your house. Acceptable additions include a small inflatable pool and a trampoline. Perhaps a plastic playset, as long as you guard it every waking and sleeping hour.</span></li>
<li><span>If your younger sibling no longer smiles, get them help from the blonde girl who sometimes lives at the end of the culdesac. You may be able to save them.</span></li>
<li><span>If you find your original fingernails, ignore them and leave them where they are.</span></li>
<li><span>Ignore the faces outside of the neighborhood. Soon they’ll just be part of the scenery.</span></li>
<li><span>If you need to leave, leave at 2 am when the world hasn’t quite loaded in yet. It will be easier.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring your phone with you everywhere for navigation, but if you have a nightmare that you are being strangled by tongues, smash it and do not replace it.</span></li>
<li><span>The neighborhood never ends. Just keep going. Take a vehicle or you may be stuck for an indeterminate amount of time.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. How to bring someone back from the dead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h1>
  <span>How to Bring Someone Back from the Dead</span>
</h1>
<ol>
<li><span>Make sure that it wasn’t their time to die. If it was, do not try to bring them back.</span></li>
<li><span>If you’re sure they weren’t meant to die, start preparing for your journey. It will be a long one.</span></li>
<li><span>You will need two coats, a quarter, a white rose, a blanket, a flashlight, extra batteries, lots of food and water, and an object of importance to the deceased (a necklace, a beloved book, etc).</span></li>
<li><span>Wait until late spring. You’ll want it to be warm out when you return.</span></li>
<li><span>Put on some good hiking boots. You’ll be walking for a while.</span></li>
<li><span>Enter any forest. The denser the better. Walk until the sun goes down.</span></li>
<li><span>Look to your left when it becomes too dark to see.</span></li>
<li><span>You will see a white glow in the distance. Walk towards it.</span></li>
<li><span>Be careful where you step. Some woods like to trip you.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember your loved one’s name.</span></li>
<li><span>Say aloud how much you missed them and why you want them back.</span></li>
<li><span>The glow will disappear once you reach it. When it does, turn on your flashlight and sit down.</span></li>
<li><span>Place the flashlight next to you and go to sleep. Do not be afraid. If you’ve made it this far, then the forest is on your side. It will not let you be harmed.</span></li>
<li><span>When you awake, the sun will be up.</span></li>
<li><span>Turn off your flashlight and put it back in your bag.</span></li>
<li><span>You will be standing just outside of a fairy ring. Do not enter it.</span></li>
<li><span>Take out your food and water. Eat some, but leave the rest at your feet.</span></li>
<li><span>Step into the ring and place the quarter on the ground, tails up.</span></li>
<li><span>Tell your loved one you are coming for them. They will not hear you.</span></li>
<li><span>The quarter will sink into the ground. You may now enter the Underworld.</span></li>
<li><span>Put on one of the coats. It will be very cold.</span></li>
<li><span>Close your eyes and imagine that you are sinking into the ground. Do not open them until you smell smoke.</span></li>
<li><span>When you open your eyes, you will be underground. A tunnel will stretch out before you.</span></li>
<li><span>Replace the batteries in your flashlight. It will get dark very soon</span></li>
<li><span>Follow the tunnel. You will feel cold. This is normal.</span></li>
<li><span>You will soon come across a small house. Knock on the door.</span></li>
<li><span>A dark-haired woman will open it. There is something wrong with her eyes. Do not stare.</span></li>
<li><span>She will ask you for something pretty. Give her the rose</span></li>
<li><span>She will smile at you and invite you in for something to eat. Enter the house, but politely refuse any food.</span></li>
<li><span>Talk to her for a while. She likes the company.</span></li>
<li><span>She’ll tell you a secret. Pretend that it doesn’t bother you.</span></li>
<li><span>Eventually, she will give you an item. I do not know what it will be. It’s different for everyone.</span></li>
<li><span>Thank her for being so kind. She wasn’t always like this.</span></li>
<li><span>Say goodbye and exit the house. Continue down the tunnel</span></li>
<li><span>You will be walking for a long time. If you need to sleep, do so. When you wake up, continue walking.</span></li>
<li><span>You will find food in your bag. Do not eat any of it.</span></li>
<li><span>You will get to a river guarded by the woman you met before. Do not ask her how she got here so fast.</span></li>
<li><span>Say hello and show her the item she gave to you. She will take it and give you your flower back.</span></li>
<li><span>You are now allowed to cross the river. Get in the boat. Don’t think about how it wasn’t there before.</span></li>
<li><span>Let the boat take you to the other shore. The fog will make it hard to see. Trust me that it’s better that way</span></li>
<li><span>When you get off the boat, the fog will be too dense to see clearly.</span></li>
<li><span>You will start to come across wandering souls. They will not care that you are here. They are too miserable.</span></li>
<li><span>The silence will be unbearable. Hum a song to yourself.</span></li>
<li><span>You’ll be wandering around for a while. Don’t give up hope. You’ll find them soon.</span></li>
<li><span>When you do, softly say hello.</span></li>
<li><span>They will not remember you. Don’t take this personally. They don’t remember themselves either.</span></li>
<li><span>Don’t touch them, not yet.</span></li>
<li><span>Their eyes will seem far away. It’s alright. They are listening.</span></li>
<li><span>Talk to them for a while. Don’t give your name and do not tell them theirs. They don’t trust you yet.</span></li>
<li><span>They’ll soon realize you are alive. When they do, answer their questions about the world above.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask them if they are cold. The answer will be yes.</span></li>
<li><span>Offer them the coat you are wearing. It will already be warm. You have body heat, they do not.</span></li>
<li><span>When they take it. Put on your other coat.</span></li>
<li><span>At this point, they will ask if you know them. Say yes and tell them their name.</span></li>
<li><span>They will like having an identity again. Try not to cry when they smile.</span></li>
<li><span>Hand them their item of importance. It will help them trust you.</span></li>
<li><span>Tell them your name and ask them if they want to leave.</span></li>
<li><span>If they say yes, take their hand. They will feel like a corpse. Try not to let this faze you.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not let go of their hand.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk back to the river. You will find it. The Keepers don’t like the Living in the Underworld.</span></li>
<li><span>The woman you met earlier will be there. Give her the rose again. She will give you back the item from her house.</span></li>
<li><span>Get in the boat.</span></li>
<li><span>When you reach the shore, exit the boat.</span></li>
<li><span>Your loved one will have some trouble keeping up. They are exhausted. The dead cannot eat or sleep, no matter how much they want to.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep walking. Try not to notice how hungry you are.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not eat the food in your bag.</span></li>
<li><span>While you walk, talk to your loved one. They don’t know it, but they’ve missed you.</span></li>
<li><span>They will trip and fall at some point. They are very tired.</span></li>
<li><span>They will start to cry. Don’t let this break your heart. Instead, tell them they will be able to rest soon.</span></li>
<li><span>For now, pick them up and carry them in your arms. Don’t worry, they will be very light.</span></li>
<li><span>Try not to notice that they aren’t breathing. It will only make you feel sick.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep talking. They will be too tired to respond, but they are listening.</span></li>
<li><span>When you see the woman’s house, tell your loved one that you’re almost there.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep walking and don’t turn around.</span></li>
<li><span>You’ll feel something watching you.</span></li>
<li><span>Don’t turn around. Please.</span></li>
<li><span>You’ll notice you’ve stopped talking. Start humming that song again. It will help stave off the fear.</span></li>
<li><span>Stop walking and place your loved one on the ground. Pull out the blanket and wrap them in it. Pick them up again and keep going. You’re almost there.</span></li>
<li><span>You’ll see a light up ahead. Feel the relief flooding through you and run towards it.</span></li>
<li><span>When you step out of the fairy ring, immediately place your loved one on the ground.</span></li>
<li><span>Encourage them to breathe. They will have forgotten how to.</span></li>
<li><span>When they start to breathe again, retrieve the food that you left on the ground earlier.</span></li>
<li><span>They’ll want to fall asleep. Make sure they eat and drink before they do so.</span></li>
<li><span>They will be very cold. Do whatever you can to keep them warm.</span></li>
<li><span>Thank whatever gods you believe in for letting you bring them back.</span></li>
<li><span>Go to sleep. Nothing will harm you here.</span></li>
<li><span>When you wake, do not disturb your loved one. They haven’t slept in so long. Wait until they wake up on their own.</span></li>
<li><span>Take them home. They will not remember you at first, but they will regain their memories soon.</span></li>
<li><span>Don’t tell them how they died. It’s best if they don’t know.</span></li>
<li><span>Spend time with them. Most people don’t get a second chance.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. A guide for the pregnant adventurer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>A Guide for the Pregnant Adventurer</span>
</h2><ul>
<li><span>Whilst you are pregnant, you may want to take time off. But, if you are like me, as I suspect you probably are, the adventurer’s life stops for nothing and no one; not even when you’re growing an entirely new being.</span></li>
<li><span>After 4 pregnancies on the job, here’s some knowledge I have amassed.</span></li>
</ul><ol>
<li><span>Your blood is extremely valuable and tasty to various beings and creatures, you will want to brush up on your protection charms and technique.</span></li>
<li><span>If you dabble in spellwork, your blood will give everything you do a boost.</span></li>
<li><span>Never offer your blood as payment to the shadows or their puppets.</span></li>
<li><span>Never sign your firstborn over, I mean ethically you shouldn’t sign any of your children over, but firstborns have a sacred magic.</span></li>
<li><span>Newly pregnant? You already smell stronger (hormones are fun) and you’ll only get more unwanted attention the bigger you get; wearing a satchel of strong smelling plants will do you good.</span></li>
<li><span>And YOUR nose is getting keener as well, the strong smelling plants won’t smell nice to you at all (but you’d rather stay alive, yeah?)</span></li>
<li><span>It is a very good idea to call in your favors, hopefully you’ve made some good friends and business partners on your travels.</span></li>
<li><span>Always carry silver and iron on you, in whatever way pleases you, and know who to use it on.</span></li>
<li><span>Music is your friend, as well as your little one’s.</span></li>
<li><span>Morning sickness is a bitch and, contrary to the name, it also happens ALL DAY, keep loads of ginger tea stocked up.</span></li>
<li><span>You will be nauseous and hungry at the same time, especially during your first trimester, keep snacks (and healthy ones, though I know the personal struggle of craving copious amounts of nachos in the middle of a jungle)(12-16):</span></li>
<li><span>Dates are good for keeping your iron levels up.</span></li>
<li><span>Granola-based mixes are easy and you can add so many things!</span></li>
<li><span>You can never go wrong with berries.</span></li>
<li><span>Garlic is really good, but not a lot, it’s a natural vasodilator; you could bleed out.</span></li>
<li><span>Honey is okay, as long as it’s pasteurized.</span></li>
<li><span>Sleeping is generally not comfy while adventuring, even less so while pregnant, invest in a good maternity pillow (I would say that even if you stayed at home though).</span></li>
<li><span>Adventuring away from your family doctor or midwife is no excuse, don’t you dare shirk your checkups, find one in every town you get to.</span></li>
<li><span>A pregnant woman has long been a symbol of a bridge between the spiritual and physical, that is still true.</span></li>
<li><span>If you possess psychic abilities, these will probably strengthen, the veil may permanently lift whilst you carry and even some time after you give birth.</span></li>
<li><span>If this happens, I advise you stay away from places where a lot of death permanently resides, don’t go searching for vampires and don’t take strolls through cemeteries.</span></li>
<li><span>If you begin to see auras around people and beings, stay far far away from yellow and pink.</span></li>
<li><span>Pick up white feathers for protection, cleanse them with willow smoke, rinse them with moonwater, and wear them about your head.</span></li>
<li><span>If birds start appearing in your weird pregnancy dreams (oh those are coming, I promise) pay attention and write down every detail you can remember, especially the type of bird.</span></li>
<li><span>Go to a dream shaman you trust and get them translated.</span></li>
<li><span>Whilst you are pregnant, your appeals will be favored by fertility deities and you will be welcomed and protected in whatever place of worship is dedicated to them, even if you don’t worship them (also, besides home or the hospital, there’s like no better place to give birth, they are very professional).</span></li>
<li><span>The fae have a little known law that if a woman carrying a son enters their forest olde, she is to be fed; but be careful, it doesn’t specify what to feed her, not all fae will favor you little mother.</span></li>
<li><span>The life you carry is a massive well of destiny, as such, your aura will change whilst you carry and you may react differently to totems and magics that you once could use with ease.</span></li>
<li><span>Last bit, very important, read carefully: nothing protects a young mother more than her tribe; find your tribe.</span></li>
<li><span>I wish you the best of luck, sisters.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. How to be a stranger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to be a stranger</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Start in the morning by putting on a typical outfit.</span></li>
<li><span>Change something about it. Wear a new scarf, hat, watch/wristband or obscure the eyes. Slightly different is better than completely different</span></li>
<li><span>Leave your home. If you’re going somewhere familiar, take a slightly different route and arrive slightly later than usual.</span></li>
<li><span>If you came by car, leave it somewhere safe for maybe a few hours. Locking the doors isn’t enough: if someone finds you, they’ll get in.</span></li>
<li><span>You will be greeted by someone familiar. Acknowledge them, but do not look at or speak to them. A wave or nod will do, and they’ll be on their way.</span></li>
<li><span>When you eat, eat outside. Try something new. Find a table you can keep to yourself, and leave a spot open across from you. Let no one sit there, no matter how desperately they ask.</span></li>
<li><span>Always wear headphones. Listening to music is optional, but should you do so play something you have never heard before.</span></li>
<li><span>You will be greeted by someone unfamiliar. Acknowledge them similarly in step 5, but you may look at them. If they confused you for someone else, it’s working.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid places where you are well known, if possible. If not, ignore them the best you can. You will feel the temptation of their comfort, their familiarity, and their security as you pass. Do not let the friendly faces claim you.</span></li>
<li><span>People will ask you for directions, spare change, or similar assistance. You will not recognize a single one of them. Always stop and help, and always make the conversation as long and amiable as possible. Under no circumstances give your name.</span></li>
<li><span>If you performed any of these steps incorrectly, go home immediately. If performed correctly, go home at your own leisure at the end of your day.</span></li>
<li><span>When you return, look in your mirror, and try to recognize the person across from you. By this point, the process of experiencing your day as a different person will be complete, and this person will be part of you. Should you have any difficulty seeing yourself as you know, the day was successful.</span></li>
<li><span>Go to sleep immediately and return to normalcy, if you can.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. How to sneak food from the kitchen at night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2 class="title">How to Sneak Food from the Kitchen at Night</h2><p></p><div class="body-text">
  <p></p>
  <div>
    <ol>
<li>Put on a pair of socks. They’re quieter than bare feet/shoes so you will be unheard by parents/malevolent spirits.</li>
<li>If you are already friends with a kind spirit in your house, ask them to scout for you. If not, you’re on your own.</li>
<li>Plan your list of snacks before exiting your safe haven and think about their locations, and do not exit if you will not be back to safety before 3:00 AM.</li>
<li>Turn the doorknob all the way before opening to avoid the click.</li>
<li>Walk near the middle of the room or near furniture to avoid creaks.</li>
<li>Ignore any sounds from the bathroom. The monsters under the bed need to go at some point. But if you hear noise from your parent’s room or the basement, go back to your room and immediately go to sleep. Some things aren’t meant to be seen.</li>
<li>If you need to open the fridge, do so quietly and close it quickly. The light attracts nymphs, and they will want some of your snacks. Should any arrive, give them a popsicle.</li>
<li>Open the pantry with the same technique as your bedroom door. Be prepared for the chips to fall down, as things move when we aren’t looking and you have caught them off guard.</li>
<li>If the temperature rises, leave something sweet on the table before you leave. Don’t worry, it will be gone by morning.</li>
<li>If the temperature falls, stay as still as possible in the shadows for at least 30 seconds. It should leave once it senses no movement.</li>
<li>If a spirit scouted for you, ask them if they want anything. They will probably ask for a Coke. Do not give them Pepsi if that is all you have, they will take offense. If you have no Coke, give them something alcoholic.</li>
<li>Walk in different spots than you did on the way there. Something may have trailed you and you do NOT want to cross paths. Should it find you anyway, contact HGK477.</li>
<li>Be sure to close the door quietly, and check under the bed for any new monsters who may have wandered in while you were gone. Only allow them to stay if they are friends with the monster already there.</li>
<li>Feast on your snacks, and be sure to share with anyone/anything that helped you on your quest.</li>
</ol>
  </div>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. If your reflection is missing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>If your reflection is missing</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span> Do not touch the mirror. If you have already touched the mirror, SKIP TO STEP 15 IMMEDIATELY.</span></li>
<li><span> First, make sure that your reflection is really gone. Make sure that you are visible. If you are not visible, the lack of a reflection is normal.</span></li>
<li><span> Check another mirror to see if your reflection is there. If so, the mirror without a reflection is simply broken and needs replacement.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <b>If you have confirmed you are visible and your reflection is gone from all mirrors:</b>
</p><ol>
<li><span> Do not touch the mirror.</span></li>
<li><span> Fill a bowl with water. Overnight, leave it at the base of the mirror nearest to your bed.</span></li>
<li><span> When you wake, if the bowl is empty, your reflection simply has business elsewhere for a while. You may rest knowing your reflection will return when they are ready.</span></li>
<li><span> If the bowl is still full, your reflection has been taken.</span></li>
</ol><p> </p><p>
  <b>If your reflection is gone:</b>
</p><ol>
<li><span> Be ready. They may come for you.</span></li>
<li><span> Prepare for a journey. With your reflection gone, you may pass through the mirror, but first, be sure you are prepared.</span></li>
<li><span> Bring food and water. Beyond the mirror, eat or drink nothing unless it has specifically been offered to you. Dying of hunger or thirst is better than the alternative.</span></li>
<li><span> Tie one end of a ball of string around your ankle, and the other to something on this side of the mirror, like the foot of your bed. This will not help, but sometimes reassurance is necessary.</span></li>
<li><span> Do not trust what your eyes or ears show you. Count the number and direction of each step you make. Make no marks. Take nothing with you. Leave nothing behind.</span></li>
<li><span> What state you find your reflection in will vary. I cannot advise you on this. Trust your instinct. Do not trust them.</span></li>
<li><span> Follow the steps you made back to the mirror. Do not let your reflection ahead of you. They will be grateful for your rescue, but they may still try to leave, trapping you in their place.</span></li>
</ol><p> </p><p>
  <b>IF YOU HAVE ALREADY TOUCHED THE MIRROR:</b>
</p><ol>
<li><span> I’m sorry.</span></li>
<li><span> Try to wash the chrome off your hands. You will not succeed.</span></li>
<li><span> Wait. Be ready.</span></li>
<li><span> They are coming for you. There is nothing you can do.</span></li>
<li><span> I’m sorry.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. How to enter your subconscious</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to enter your subconscious</span>
</h2><p>
  <span>WARNING: Do not attempt this between 2 am-6 am. The subconscious is most active during these hours and exploring it then may lead to great injury, memory loss, or brain damage. Use caution.</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>You will need an empty room with a ceiling fan, 4 white candles (ensure they’re unscented), a box of matches, and a large cotton blanket.</span></li>
<li><span>Enter the room and lock the door. Turn the ceiling fan on the lowest setting.</span></li>
<li><span>Spread the blanket out on the floor directly under the fan. Set a candle on each corner.</span></li>
<li><span>Light each candle, beginning with the candle on the most northern side of the blanket. Light the others, going counterclockwise.</span></li>
<li><span>The last candle will be difficult to light. Your subconscious is resisting you. Try to think calm thoughts. The candle should light now.</span></li>
<li><span>If for some reason the candle is refusing to light, you need to blow out the remaining ones, turn off the fan, fold the blanket, and exit the room. Your subconscious does not want you to enter. Attempting to do so again will most definitely cause injury, memory loss, or permanent brain damage.</span></li>
<li><span>Once the last candle lights, put the box of matches in your pocket, lie down on the blanket, and stare at the fan. Only think about staring at the fan.</span></li>
<li><span>After a few minutes you will become very thirsty. Do not move. This is your subconscious attempting to distract you. It doesn’t want you to enter.</span></li>
<li><span>By now you will want nothing more than to drink something. If you move, it has blocked you out. You will never be able to enter.</span></li>
<li><span>After 3 hours have passed, the urge will go away. You have passed the first test.</span></li>
<li><span>You will now hear a ringing in your ears. It will grow louder. Lie very still.</span></li>
<li><span>Close your eyes. When the ringing stops, open them again. You are almost there. Continue staring at the fan.</span></li>
<li><span>Now you are unable to move. Do not try to move. The door will slowly open.</span></li>
<li><span>A man in a long black coat will step in the room. Do not look at his face.</span></li>
<li><span>He will reach out his hand to you. Take it. He will help you stand up.</span></li>
<li><span>Blow out the candles. You have reached your subconscious.</span></li>
<li><span>The man will be gone. You may now explore.</span></li>
<li><span>Beware: if at any time the man shows up again, go with him. This means that it is no longer safe. He will take you back home.</span></li>
<li><span>When you want to return, simply light a match. He will come and take you back.</span></li>
<li><span>Use caution, if you stay for too long, it may force you out. Be safe.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. A guide to sleeping</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>A guide to sleeping</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Before you decide to sleep, knock three times on the bed posts. It is only polite to knock before entering someone’s home after all.</span></li>
<li><span>If you hear a knock back, do not sleep. Go grab a drink of water and relieve yourself. Do not look in the mirrors. You will not like what you see.</span></li>
<li><span>Provided that you did not hear a knock back against the bedpost, lay back in your bed in the position you are most comfortable in. They may take a while to let you in, and it is best to be comfortable while you wait.</span></li>
<li><span>While you wait you may be tempted to scratch at that itch on your foot. Do not scratch. It is them searching for the best way to let you in.</span></li>
<li><span>Count backwards from one hundred. You will lose count around 67, but it will not matter. They are ready for you.</span></li>
<li><span>Silently thank them, you are a guest in their home after all.</span></li>
<li><span>When you are ready to depart, thank them audibly for keeping you safe and showing you what you needed to see. They will offer you a gift, politely decline.</span></li>
<li><span>When you wake up, you will notice a scratch on your ankle. Do not worry, it is their way of saying goodbye.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. A guide for falling asleep in lecture hall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>A guide for sleeping in lecture hall</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Make sure whatever work you have started is in a safe space. If not, they will take it and it will never be seen again.</span></li>
<li><span>As you feel yourself begin to get tired, be sure to turn the ringer of your phone on. It will be your way out if something goes wrong.</span></li>
<li><span>Make a last check around the room. Keep an eye out for things that may seem different or off. Make note of these. If the writing on the board is reversed, do not fall asleep. You must remain awake for the rest of the lecture for your own safety.</span></li>
<li><span>Let your body relax and allow yourself to drift off to sleep. Do not be alarmed if something touches you. They are making sure you are fully asleep.</span></li>
<li><span>Once you awaken in your dream, stand up and look around. Check to see if any inconsistencies have transferred over to your dream. If so, it is safe to explore. If not, sit back down and remain completely still.</span></li>
<li><span>As you examine your surroundings, check your classmates to see if any have fallen into the dream like you have. Those that have not will have no pupils. Make note of these people.</span></li>
<li><span>When exploring around the hall and its building, make sure to never enter the stairs or the elevator. If you do so, you will wake up, and everything will be different.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep checking your phone to keep track of the time. You do not want to be the last one out when class ends. They will punish you for that.</span></li>
<li><span>When the time is nearing for you to awaken, head back to your seat, not making eye contact with anyone else who may be in the hall now. Rest your head on the desk and allow yourself to fall back to reality.</span></li>
<li><span>If you awaken to blurry vision, close your eyes immediately. Do not respond to anything, including calls of your name or questions. Wait until it is silent to open your eyes.</span></li>
<li><span>If you awaken and everything is clear, you are safe to leave. Make sure to leave a pen or pencil behind as a thank you to your guides. They worked very hard to allow you the brief respite and always appreciate a nice gift.</span></li>
<li><span>If, when you are leaving, your teacher asks you to stay behind, do not listen. Walk to the nearest bathroom and run cold water over your hands. The next time you go to class, do not sleep. All should be well after that.</span></li>
<li><span>After your rest, never return to your lecture hall at night. Your guides will be asleep and you will be vulnerable.</span></li>
</ol><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. How to befriend your sleep paralysis demon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to befriend your sleep paralysis demon</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Obviously, first, you must have sleep paralysis. The demon will not make its presence known unless you are paralyzed.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not show it fear. Unfortunately, as a personal demon, it knows your fears best. As long as you don’t think about or make attempts to call for help, it will see that you’re fighting its scariness.</span></li>
<li><span>The demon may feel annoyed by the fact that it isn’t making you as scared as before. Don’t worry. This will not hurt your chances of befriending them.</span></li>
<li><span>Since you cannot move your mouth, think about how you are not scared of them. They will then speak.</span></li>
<li><span>In past occurrences, the demons say something along the lines of “Is there something you need from me?” in response to your thoughts.</span></li>
<li><span>Offer your friendship.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes, the demons will accept, but most are not as lucky. If by now the demon has not accepted your friendship, that is okay. They’ve probably been told not to trust you as most demons are before traveling to our realm.</span></li>
<li><span>Do your best to assure them that you will not and can not hurt them or abuse their trust.</span></li>
<li><span>If your demon is extremely frustrated they will end your sleep paralysis.</span></li>
<li><span>If you have a dream the next night, expect scarier sleep paralysis experiences. Do not attempt to become the demon’s friend for a while. If the dream involves the destruction of your most valued object, abandon all hope of befriending your demon and skip to Step 1.A.</span></li>
<li><span>If you do not dream the next night, the demon has forgiven you.</span></li>
<li><span>Attempt to reach out to them the next night. They will almost always feel bad for overreacting and accept your friendship. If they decline, do not push their decision. Let them slowly become your friend, but remember that they will be less threatening in the future.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <span>IF YOUR DEMON HATES YOU:</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>A. Forget Step 2. Do not try again. Let everything return to normal.</span></li>
<li><span>A. Continue with your life. Do not worry. Your demon will not forget the attempt and acknowledges that you tried, and while the paralysis experiences are now worse, they are also less frequent.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. How to own a cat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>How to own a Cat</h2>
<ul>
<li>Choose the kind that is right for you. This part is relatively self-explanatory. If you don’t like feeding it live humans, simply get one that doesn’t eat. If you don’t want to walk it, get a cat without legs. If you don’t have room for a regular, 9-foot tall cat, get a micro-cat.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Decide whether you want an indoor or outdoor cat. An indoor cat will need a space large enough for them to create and destroy alternative timelines, as all cats do from time to time, so a sizable cavern is probably best. An outdoor cat can do these activities outside, but be warned, outdoor cats have a sense of rebellion and may try to enter different timelines. You must not let them as this will result in a LOST CAT. If this occurs, post LOST CAT posters around your area. It is unlikely that anyone will find your cat.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Collect the cat. The majority of people don’t realize that the most important part of cat burglary is to learn the owner’s schedule. You must watch them for at least a week until you know their schedule by heart then, when they are out, sneak up the fire escape and break their bedroom window. Find the cat, most likely it is trying to squeeze its comically oversized body into an armchair for its afternoon nap. You must put a collar on the cat, climb back down the fire escape and tie the leash to the back of your car. Drive at high speeds, pulling the cat out through the wall and driving it back to your place of residence.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Solicit affection from your cat. Your new cat may not be happy to be taken from its original owner. You must show it to its cave or personal space where you should watch it whenever possible to make sure it doesn’t try to jump to an alternate timeline. Try playing it Twenty One Pilots: well known to be cats' favourite band, despite their dubious music. After watching the cat from afar for a few days, try stepping a little closer or even petting it. DO NOT do this if the cat is smiling at you. It will try to devour you, cats are well known to keep their prey alive during the digestion process, so avoid this at ALL COSTS.</li>
<li>Living with your cat. Cats are difficult creatures but can be incredibly enjoyable pets if looked after correctly. Cats should be walked at least three times a day and if you have an outdoor cat, a cat door should be installed near the human door. Be mindful that this can take up a lot of space. A fun activity you can do with your cat is necromancy. Cats have a deep love of dark magic but be careful, they have a cruel passion for divination practice on living things. Cats also have the power to resurrect dead versions of themselves from different timelines, do not be surprised when your cat brings them home to stay, they will be mysteriously gone in the morning. Universally, cats are fond of television, their favourite program is Hell’s Kitchen. No one knows why.</li>
</ul>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. How to live amongst the stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>How to live amongst the stars</h2><ol>
<li>Speak to the stars at night, they will not welcome a stranger.</li>
<li>Make sure you own something gold.</li>
<li>If you do not own anything gold and cannot buy something, draw a star on your left cheek with a marker and wear it for a full day. Ignore the stares.</li>
<li>The stars will understand and in a week, a golden pin will appear on your pillow.</li>
<li>At night, go and sit in the middle of a field, any field will work, and wait in silence for ten minutes.</li>
<li>Do not stand up or leave.</li>
<li>Search your soul, a name will appear, not one you know or one you will remember, but say it anyway, the stars will hear.</li>
<li>You should be wearing your pin.</li>
<li>If you are, the stars will come down and dance with you, if you aren’t, they will stay there, twinkling in the sky.</li>
<li>Dance until dawn, marvel at the colours that swim around you, and the brightness of the very universe. Your energy will not fade, so do not worry about the time ahead of you, only think about that moment.</li>
<li>Once a month, on the same day, meet with the stars again, you shall learn about each other, and when you are ready, tell them that you would like to live as one of them.</li>
<li>They will ask you if you are sure, and do not be afraid to answer no, the stars understand, they will still meet you again next month.</li>
<li>If you answer yes, they will disappear, and you shall awake at dawn in your bed, having had a good night's sleep.</li>
<li>Your day will proceed as normal, and you will almost be convinced that the night before was a dream, but do not forget.</li>
<li>That night, your dreams will be filled with the ones who love you, the ones whom you love, your good memories, reasons to stay, and you will doubt your decision.</li>
<li>Do not worry, the stars are kind, it is their intention.</li>
<li>You shall meet up the next month, and tell them that you have changed your mind. They will nod, and float back into the sky, burning millions of miles away.</li>
<li>Time will pass, and you will miss them. They will miss you too.</li>
<li>You may be disappointed, you may believe that you do not live within the stars, and that is true. But do not mourn. For they live within you, the very stardust flows within your veins.</li>
<li>Whenever you are lonely, search your soul, a name will appear, not one you know or one you will remember, but say it anyway, the stars will hear. And they will listen.</li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. A guide to libraries and bookstores</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>A Guide to Libraries and Bookstores</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Older bookstores and libraries tend to hold more power. Be aware of this.</span></li>
<li><span>It is very important to treat all the books with care and respect.</span></li>
<li><span>Put all books back where they go. This may not be where you found them or even where the signs say the book goes, but you’ll know where.</span></li>
<li><span>If you see a series out of order, take the time to properly arrange the books. This kindness will be remembered.</span></li>
<li><span>You may stay and read as long as you’d like. Take your time.</span></li>
<li><span>Always say thank you after you’ve finished reading a book. Even if it was only a few pages.</span></li>
<li><span>If you feel a strong pull to a specific book, listen to it.</span></li>
<li><span>Never take a book unless you’ve properly checked it out or bought it. As a visitor, you only have permission to read the books while there or if you go through the proper steps to leave with one. Defying this will have consequences.</span></li>
<li><span>If a book is gifted to you, you may also leave with it. Never turn down a book offered to you as a gift.</span></li>
<li><span>Listen to the staff. They know more about this place than you, but remember, in the end, they are just keepers. They have no authority over the books.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. A Guide to Naming Your Children</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>A Guide to Naming Your Children</span>
</h2><p>
  <span>Let it be noted, “children” is a blanket term, it does not only refer to human children, but any creature that you claim parentship of that requires a name. </span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Parenting is glorious, rewarding, painful, sleep-deprived, and sacrificial; and among all the things you will gift your child, a name is the first.</span></li>
<li><span>Names hold power, therefore, the first one is very important.</span></li>
<li><span>Caution: If you happen to know your child’s true name, in no way should you make it known to the public; do not say it aloud, do not write it out, in fact, I would suggest you get that bit of information professionally blocked (contact HGK477 for assistance).</span></li>
<li><span>True names can be used to bind their holder and it is never for good things.</span></li>
<li><span>So, my first piece of advice is to not rush.</span></li>
<li><span>They will not suffer without a name, but once you go forward, you cannot go back.</span></li>
<li><span>Until they are old enough to decide otherwise, they will be known by this name so it really better be good (and I promise you they will complain no matter what, that’s why you must be at peace with your choice, they’ll understand one day).</span></li>
<li><span>Of course, you can consider names before you meet your child but it’s so much better when you’ve gotten to know them a little, two weeks to a month is a fine amount to spend with them and learn; but, don’t feel rushed, you can never arrive late to this sort of decision.</span></li>
<li><span>During this learning time, consult the sun and the moon, the day and the night, the flowers, the fae, the seasons, the forest, the ocean, the wind, and the stars.</span></li>
<li><span>If you are pulled to a particular place, take your child with you.</span></li>
<li><span>Most parents name their children something they’ve always wanted, but listen, it isn’t really about you, they are an entire existence that belongs only to themselves and they will tell you who they are.</span></li>
<li><span>Pay attention to them, to what they do, to how they beg, to the time it takes for them to sleep.</span></li>
<li><span>If they breathe like the spring, read books about gardens.</span></li>
<li><span>If they howl like tornados, don’t shy away from the bluster.</span></li>
<li><span>If they laugh like glee is the most delicious thing they’ve ever eaten, take heart.</span></li>
<li><span>Embrace the power and gravity of this.</span></li>
<li><span>And when you’ve come to a decision, sleep on it, one, two, three nights.</span></li>
<li><span>Hold it in consideration and please don’t worry about other children making fun of it, children make fun of everything.</span></li>
<li><span>Teach your children to own what they’ve been gifted.</span></li>
<li><span>I wish you the best of luck.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. How to Befriend the Monster Under Your Bed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to Befriend the Monster Under Your Bed</span>
</h2><p>
  <span>Befriending the monster under your bed has always been a risky affair. You either do it right or you die. Follow the tips below to increase your chances of friendship.</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Read bedtime stories to your monster.</span></li>
<li><span>Offer food once in a while. </span></li>
<li>
<span>In some cases your monster might be aggressive; show dominance. I suggest you pick up ’</span><em><span>How to Cook the Monster under Your Bed</span></em><span>’ by notorious monster serial killer Dave Harley, and put it on your nightstand. Visit the HGK477 library and ask Bob. He knows where to find it. </span>
</li>
<li><span>Do not look directly into its eyes. Ask for permission first. </span></li>
<li><span>If you notice that your closet door is opened, move out of the room, you won’t be able to handle two of them.</span></li>
<li><span>Talk to the monster. </span></li>
<li><span>Some monsters only read dreams and don’t understand the human language. Increase the chance of you having a monster friendly dream by visualizing yourself doing something nice with the monster until you fall asleep. </span></li>
<li><span>Leave an arm, any arm, dangling from your bed. </span></li>
<li><span>If pitch black shadows darker than dark creep up on the walls, leave immediately. It’s not your room anymore. </span></li>
<li><span>Clean underneath your bed for them.</span></li>
<li><span>If your bed starts to shake violently, stop. Try again tomorrow.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Surviving IKEA</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Surviving IKEA</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Never enter near closing hours.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not mispronounce IKEA product names. What you summon will haunt you.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not trust the arrows.</span></li>
<li><span>Walls shift and new ones appear out of nowhere.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid, at any cost, staying after closing hours.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not ask employees for directions to the exit. Most of them have been trapped inside the building ever since they signed the contract. These once happy and good people have grown spiteful. Do not trust them. They want you to stay.</span></li>
<li><span>Make the bed after trying it out. It makes them less angry.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <b>In case you are trapped:</b>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Find John. He has lived in the store for six years, unnoticed.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid eye contact with employees roaming around.</span></li>
<li><span>Hide whenever possible.</span></li>
<li><span>The ghost families living in the showrooms won’t betray you.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not steal any pencils. It will give away your position.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid walking through the bed area. The creatures sleeping there won’t appreciate your presence.</span></li>
<li><span>When music from the 30's starts blasting through the speakers, Walter, the handyman, has noticed you and wants to drive his screwdriver through your ear.</span></li>
<li><span>Run.</span></li>
<li><span>He often shouts jokes chasing you followed by the laughter of IKEA personnel echoing throughout the store. Never let your guard down.</span></li>
<li><span>Open as many wardrobes as you can. Some of them are magic portals. Pray that you find one in time before he finds you.</span></li>
<li><span>Only go through a portal when absolutely necessary. What you find on the other side is often not pleasant.</span></li>
<li><span>If there is no other option, try pronouncing the name of the IKEA furniture closest to you. The ground will start to shake. Prepare yourself for the worst.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. So you’ve fallen in love with a shrine goddess</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>So you’ve fallen in love with a shrine goddess…</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Acknowledge that, should you pursue anything other than a distant adoration of her, your fate will be either very lucky or very unlucky.</span></li>
<li><span>Don’t attempt to pursue a goddess whose shrine you do not already tend. It’s rude.</span></li>
<li><span>It’s not a good idea to try and leave more gifts than usual at the shrine in a bid to catch her attention. She’ll notice, but she cannot be won with gifts alone.</span></li>
<li><span>The simplest way for a mortal to seek an audience with a goddess would be to stay by her shrine for a full day. Arrive at dawn, or earlier, four a.m. is a good time.</span></li>
<li><span>When you begin to feel tired, move about thirty feet away from the shrine to sleep–don’t sleep on the shrine, it’s disrespectful.</span></li>
<li><span>At about midnight, you’ll begin to feel tremors in the ground: they’ll increase in intensity, until the whole ground shakes. This is not the work of the goddess. Try to go back to sleep.</span></li>
<li><span>If you begin dreaming after the tremors have woken you, you’ll have to try the whole thing again another day. If you dream of the trees around you being bare and gnarled, then unfortunately, you ought to never come to the shrine again.</span></li>
<li><span>You’ll likely wake yourself up at the twenty-four hour mark. The air will seem different, with a sweeter smell, perhaps. You will not be able to see her, but she is listening for you.</span></li>
<li><span>Speak to her.</span></li>
<li><span>Be polite, obviously. Don’t mention your interest in her. She knows it already. If you can’t think of anything else to say, talk about the beauty of your surroundings.</span></li>
<li><span>Once you’re finished speaking, pause for a little bit. Allow the silence to settle in. Give her time to think.</span></li>
<li><span>Soon, the wind will pick up, swirling leaves and petals around the shrine. Close your eyes until the wind stops rushing in your ears. Then, open them.</span></li>
<li><span>The goddess will have appeared before you, suspended a little bit above the ground. You will not be able to make out any humanlike features when you look at her, except for a large, beautiful pair of eyes. She will not make eye contact with you just yet. Don’t stare too long at her eyes.</span></li>
<li><span>After a long moment of silent staring, the goddess will do one of two things:</span></li>
<li><span>She will nod, and look directly into your eyes. You will be able to feel her stare through your whole body, down to the tips of your toes. This means she has chosen you. You will not need this guide anymore. You will know what to do.</span></li>
<li><span>Or, she will close her eyes, and the wind will whisper, “Thank you.” This means she is not interested. Continue to follow this guide.</span></li>
<li><span>Don’t be offended. It’s her choice to make. If you’re gracious, she will still be kind to you.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not leave the shrine. She will almost certainly interpret it as you being spiteful. Instead, have a nap a little ways from the shrine, or share a snack, eating some and leaving some atop the shrine.</span></li>
<li><span>You’ll feel better afterward. More likely than not, if you’ve been kind to the goddess, she will leave you with a bit of herself, a little more wisdom and contentment than you had before.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. When driving long hours alone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>When driving long hours alone</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Sleep. Get at least eight hours of sleep for two consecutive days before the long drive.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring water, snacks, money, your favorite CD, a map, and a deck of cards.</span></li>
<li><span>Go to a gas station and pump gas. Even if the tank is already full. It needs to be filled to the brim. Every drop of gasoline matters.</span></li>
<li><span>Get in the car and drive. Stay focused at all costs. Chewing some gum might help.</span></li>
<li><span>When night falls and the road is endless and desolate, get your CD and blast some tunes. Sing along and feel free while you still can!</span></li>
<li><span>It is crucial that music is always playing and that you are always singing. Immediately press the replay button if the CD comes to an end.</span></li>
<li><span>Sing. You must sing. Do not let them see you are afraid.</span></li>
<li><span>It is recommended and discouraged to not turn on your headlights at night. Sometimes you see things you spend your entire life wishing you could unsee.</span></li>
<li><span>In case you do decide to use your headlights, which is recommended and not recommended at the same time, HGK477 has excellent therapists in case you need one.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Get insurance. It is free. Comment ’</span><em><span>THERAPY477</span></em><span>’. HGK477 has you covered.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Take breaks. Stretch your legs. Eat a snack.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not pick up any hitchhikers.</span></li>
<li><span>If it is night and raining, and your music changes to a static, slow down!</span></li>
<li><span>A woman in a white dress with bloodstains all over might appear in the seat next to you. In the back seat are her three children, all telling you to speed up and hit a tree. Ignore them.</span></li>
<li><span>Always check the trunk before leaving a gas station. If there is anyone in there, tied up or not, ask for their name. Kill them shortly after. Leave them in there. Its black, disgusting smelling blood will ward off danger.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not go over the speed limit.</span></li>
<li>
<span>If from in the distance, you see an old man with a long beard wearing a beanie that says ’</span><em><span>fuck the status quo</span></em><span>’ meditating in the middle of the road, come to a halt.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Hand him your deck of cards. He shuffles fate. Often in your favor. Sometimes not.</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure he gives your cards back.</span></li>
<li><span>Check the map every so often to see if you are going in the right direction.</span></li>
<li><span>And above all, drive safely and responsibly. HGK477 does not want anything happening to you.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <em>
    <span>Note: do not forget to hide the body</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. How to explore the hotel at night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to explore the hotel at night</span>
</h2><p>
  <span>You’ve known the odd feeling you have when you traverse the halls of the hotel at night all your life. It is the other realm calling to you, you are just going about it wrong. Do not attempt if you are on the 4th floor.</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Wait until it is after midnight, but before 3 am. Never leave your room at 3 am.</span></li>
<li><span>Be sure to have your keycard, you will need it to return safely. Take nothing else with you, they will steal it.</span></li>
<li><span>Put your hand on the door, and pray for a safe journey. It is not necessary, but it helps.</span></li>
<li><span>Exit the room with confidence. They will be watching.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk to one end of the hallway. Do not turn around, they are examining you.</span></li>
<li><span>Face the window and thank the moon for joining you. She will be your guardian; she will watch over you.</span></li>
<li><span>With the moon protecting you, count to three and turn around. You will immediately notice that the lights have dimmed. Do not be afraid, you have simply been accepted into the realm.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk slowly to the elevator. It will feel like you are walking through a thick syrup, but it is only the beings of the other realm greeting you.</span></li>
<li><span>Once inside, you will see the control panel will have multiple buttons to choose from. Never go to the 4th floor unless the moon has instructed you to do so.</span></li>
<li><span>You may explore wherever you please. Feel free to use all of your eight senses. You are welcomed as long as you do not take anything with you. Time has no meaning here, but it is up to you to remember it.</span></li>
<li><span>When you are ready to leave, return to the elevator.</span></li>
<li><span>Once inside, your heart will know the way home. Press the button and return to your floor.</span></li>
<li><span>Without turning around, exit the elevator on your floor and return to your room. They will say goodbye with a parting gift in your back pocket, but do not look at it.</span></li>
<li><span>Before entering your room, thank them for allowing you into their realm, and thank the moon for safe passage. Enter the room.</span></li>
<li><span>Go immediately to sleep, you will wake up in your own realm. The gift will be in your memories, so cherish it, whatever it might be.</span></li>
<li><span>Never return unless the moon commands it.</span></li>
</ol><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. A guide on how to befriend the woods. You will not regret it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>A guide on how to befriend the woods. You will not regret it</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Do not sleep in the woods. Not yet. For now, just walk, smile, breathe in the air. You may play music if it makes you feel safer.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring food. If you find a very smooth stone, a large old stump, or the mossy ruins of what used to be man made, those are all good places to leave a taste, a drink. Do not leave anything that will not decompose. If you do, come back to pick it back up, or don’t come back at all.</span></li>
<li><span>Pay no attention to her hair. She has been here longer than you, and she prefers you keep your hands to yourself. You may play music if it makes you feel safer, she doesn’t mind the noise. You are safe. You may continue or leave. There is patience here.</span></li>
<li><span>Come alone, or as alone as you can manage. Friends are welcome, but big groups simply pass through. Too many boots.</span></li>
<li><span>Drink plenty of water, and always bring a first-aid kit. A portable charger never hurts. Stay on the paths, they are there for a reason. You won’t see her unless you stray.</span></li>
<li><span>Come in the spring and the fall. These are the seasons of change, growth. It will work fastest that way.</span></li>
<li><span>Flowing water will be healing. Sit down for a while, let it flow over you. You don’t have to be off your phone, but at some point, you will be. This is okay and at some point you will be on it again. This is okay. Listen to the wind and the trees.</span></li>
<li><span>Letting down roots will not come easily, but if you let yourself, you won’t regret it. Feel the earth. Let it become a home.</span></li>
<li><span>Green may or not be your favorite color. It does not matter if it is not, but tell the trees so anyways. Tell the birds they are beautiful and tell the rabbits and squirrels they have nothing to fear from you. They will not change, but they hear you. It matters.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not be afraid to smile. There is so much joy here, always, ready to be felt, to be shared. Never ignore fear, but let it pass through you. Don’t let it bind you, not forever. You may now sleep here, if you wish. You are now a friend of the woods. This will stand for as long as you do not break it with purpose. Congratulations.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Making tea: a guide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Making Tea: A Guide</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Bargain with the witch for her best copper kettle.</span></li>
<li><span>Be vigilant.</span></li>
<li><span>Take her second offer. There will not be a third.</span></li>
<li><span>Take the long road home, because there is no other road to take.</span></li>
<li><span>Pray you make it back safely.</span></li>
<li><span>Cross your threshold.</span></li>
<li><span>Cross your heart, hope to die. It is the humane alternative.</span></li>
<li><span>Shoo the goblin from the kitchen.</span></li>
<li><span>Open the taps.</span></li>
<li><span>Wait for the water to run clear. Try not to think about blood and sin.</span></li>
<li><span>Fill the kettle.</span></li>
<li><span>Ponder the meaning of ‘full.’</span></li>
<li><span>Close the taps. Offer thanks.</span></li>
<li><span>Ponder the meaning of 'sacrifice.’</span></li>
<li><span>Light the stove.</span></li>
<li><span>Be prepared to sweet-talk the flames into existence. Fire is a fickle thing.</span></li>
<li><span>Set the kettle on the hob.</span></li>
<li><span>Boil the water until it screams. It will feel cruel. That’s because it is.</span></li>
<li><span>Unearth the bronze chalice buried in your garden among tangles of hellebore and rue.</span></li>
<li><span>Lose yourself on the way back.</span></li>
<li><span>Find yourself in the light.</span></li>
<li><span>Choose your tea. Chamomile for calm. Green tea for clarity. Deadly nightshade to purge yourself of your wrongs.</span></li>
<li><span>Steep for five minutes.</span></li>
<li><span>Flavor your brew. Honey and lemon for sweetness. Ginger and mint to soothe. Arsenic for revenge.</span></li>
<li><span>Sip your tea quietly. Keep your eyes closed. It is rude to peek.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Allow </span><em><span>them </span></em><span>to enter, to pervade, to absorb.</span>
</li>
<li>
<span>Allow </span><em><span>them</span></em><span> to guide you, but be wary.</span>
</li>
<li>
<em><span>They</span></em><span> live in you now.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Treat yourself to a piece of cake with your tea. You deserve it.</span></li>
<li><em><span>You deserve this.</span></em></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Nine things about being brought back from the dead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Nine things about being brought back from the dead</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>You will be cold</span></li>
<li><span>You will wake up screaming, you all do.</span></li>
<li><span>Your entire body will throb, the pain will eventually subside; being brought back is never a painless task.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not get up immediately, you will be nauseous and your body will need time to readjust to this realm.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask for more blankets, you will feel very cold.</span></li>
<li><span>You will not remember how you died, do not ask.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not ask the practitioner how they performed the ritual, this is considered bad luck and you will not last long.</span></li>
<li><span>Your loved ones will be ecstatic to have you back, consider this a blessing.</span></li>
<li><span>Thank the practitioner and let them be on their way, if they do not look you in the eye consider this a bad omen.</span></li>
</ol><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. When going to an Italian restaurant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>When going to an Italian restaurant</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Never make a reservation.</span></li>
<li><span>Study the menu. See if they have a pizza with pineapple. If so, leave. You do not want to eat here.</span></li>
<li><span>It is said that many Italian restaurants are run by the mafia to make importing drugs easier. This is not completely true.</span></li>
<li><span>Italian cuisine is more than just pizza. Try something else for a change.</span></li>
<li>
<span>If your waiter is Italian, ask them how they eat their pizza. Let them reminisce about their mother’s cooking and say ’</span><em><span>grazie’</span></em><span> when you get your food. Often they will pour your glasses of wine to the brim.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Drink wine. Whether you like it or not.</span></li>
<li><span>Never tip if your waiter does not have an Italian accent.</span></li>
<li><span>Italian restaurants are often quite old, you may hear doors slamming or lighting fixture might flicker. Do not be frightened of this; old spirits like to enjoy the nostalgia of their favorite restaurant.</span></li>
<li><span>If you want to know the truth, order a pizza and cut in the shape of a pentagram. A 4-year-old with pitch-black eyes will come to your table and ask you to follow him to the kitchen.</span></li>
<li><span>Enjoy your food. Be polite. Tip well.</span></li>
<li><span>Almost everyone makes it out alive. You will too.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Exploring the barrows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Exploring the barrows</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Bring food and water. You never know how long you’ll be out there, or how many appetites you’ll need to satisfy.</span></li>
<li><span>If you hear voices beneath the hills, do not listen. They will notice.</span></li>
<li><span>Test how solid the ground is before you take a step forward. It might be looking for company.</span></li>
<li><span>Sheep outside the barrows are a good sign that you’re in a safe area.</span></li>
<li><span>If you hear an owl, meet its gaze. It will watch over you.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring a weapon. A sword will do, but a branch from the nearby forest is best.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask the forest to bless the branch before you leave. It will want it back later.</span></li>
<li><span>If your light goes out, don’t move. The darkness will take you if you do.</span></li>
<li><span>If you find an entrance into one of the barrows, it is considered rude not to enter.</span></li>
<li><span>The fires inside will still be lit after all these years. Don’t question it.</span></li>
<li><span>You shouldn’t be able to go much deeper. If you can, leave.</span></li>
<li><span>There shouldn’t be any wind within the barrow.</span></li>
<li><span>Never head for home while it’s still dark. It might not be in the same place you left it.</span></li>
<li><span>Always remember rules 2 and 3.</span></li>
<li><span>If you disturb something, apologize and leave immediately. If it doesn’t let you, the branch is your only option.</span></li>
<li><span>Technology won’t work down there. They’ve made sure of that.</span></li>
<li><span>Don’t take the coins. Nothing happens, they’re just not worth anything.</span></li>
<li><span>If something asks you for help, you must not refuse.</span></li>
<li><span>Music can calm them down.</span></li>
<li><span>Don’t take a passage if you’re not certain there’s a way out.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes a troubled spirit just needs a hug. Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe.</span></li>
</ol><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Exploring backstage at the theater</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Exploring backstage at the theater</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Prepare well. Dress appropriately and pack light. Don’t bring anything valuable. You may bring a torch, but only a small one.</span></li>
<li><span>If it’s your first time exploring backstage, bringing someone is advisable. Bring an actor if you want adventure. Bring a technician if you want to stay safe.</span></li>
<li><span>When you are backstage you are between worlds. Tread carefully; the rules of the outside don’t apply here.</span></li>
<li><span>Let the darkness wash over you. Your eyes will adjust.</span></li>
<li><span>Stay silent at all times. The worlds have been merging here for as long as the theater has existed- you don’t want to disturb them.</span></li>
<li><span>The air will feel warm and still. Don’t be alarmed by sudden cold drafts though; most theaters are haunted, and theater ghosts tend to be of a curious nature. They like to explore too.</span></li>
<li><span>Feel free to look around, but avoid touching anything. If you pass a props table or a preset costume, you may feel the sudden urge to pick it up. Do not do this under any circumstances! Even if you put the object back or only move it a fraction. THEY WILL KNOW. Your fate has been sealed. It’s not a pleasant one.</span></li>
<li><span>You might hear music or singing coming from on stage, even if there is no performance in progress. Don’t worry; they’re probably just soundchecking click tracks. Or who knows, the theater gets sentimental too; it may just be reliving some memories. Don’t interrupt it.</span></li>
<li><span>Be cautious if you choose to explore the stage itself. You never know where or when you may end up.</span></li>
<li><span>If you choose to explore elements of the set, be aware that doors and windows may not always lead you where you would expect.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember rule number 7.</span></li>
<li><span>The piano in the corner that’s had its strings cut? The plastic plant collecting dust under the table? The shattered remains of a plastic gun that were never cleaned up? These are all forgotten or disused elements from past productions. Pay them as much attention as you do the rest of the theater. Fading out of existence is a lonely process and they appreciate being noticed.</span></li>
<li><span>Loitering in the wings will likely end painfully.</span></li>
<li><span>Superstitions like whistling and the Scottish Play are just that- superstitions. Still, don’t tempt fate.</span></li>
<li><span>The theater may not always let you go. I told you to be careful on stage.</span></li>
<li><span>When you are ready to leave, seek out someone who knows the way. The theater cares for its people and won’t let you get lost when you’re with one of them.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. How to take a nice bath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to take a nice bath</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Go to the bathroom and lock the door.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Make sure nobody can come in and that </span><em><span>you</span></em><span> cannot go out of the bathroom.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Run the tap without plugging the drain. Check if the water is clear.</span></li>
<li><span>Plug the drain and fill the bathtub with warm water.</span></li>
<li><span>You cannot leave the bathroom. Be patient.</span></li>
<li><span>If anyone calls for your help while you are waiting for the bath to be ready, say you cannot come right now. No matter what.</span></li>
<li><span>Once the bath is full, close the tap and take off your clothes.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Before entering the bath say ’</span><em><span>I have given you refuge in my home. Please don’t harm me.</span></em><span>’</span>
</li>
<li><span>The temperature of the water should be fine. But do check the temperature with your index finger first before getting in.</span></li>
<li><span>If the temperature is safe, get in. Do not slip and die!</span></li>
<li><span>Sit back, take a deep breath, and relax. It will do your spirit good.</span></li>
<li><span>Before using hand soap, check for razor blades or other sharp objects by cutting the soap in half.</span></li>
<li><span>If you want to read a book in the bath, make sure to read out loud. It is polite.</span></li>
<li><span>Bath bombs are cool. Use one for a better experience. They will be in awe. Guaranteed.</span></li>
<li><span>The release of certain gasses underwater is highly discouraged.</span></li>
<li><span>Only get out once your skin starts to wrinkle.</span></li>
<li><span>Grab a towel and dry yourself off.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not drain the tub.</span></li>
<li><span>Put your clothes on and leave the bathroom. If you can, lock the bathroom door from the outside with a key or a coin. If you cannot do this, put up a note on the door stating that no one can enter the bathroom until tomorrow morning.</span></li>
<li><span>The next morning, knock on the door and say that you are coming in.</span></li>
<li><span>Open the door. The bathroom could be extremely hot and clouded with steam. Stay calm.</span></li>
<li><span>You may hear something leave and hear the bathwater going down the drain.</span></li>
<li><span>Once the steam has cleared up, most likely, there will be no one there and the tub will be empty. However, it is very likely that something has left a thank you message on the mirror.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Write back ’</span><em><span>You are welcome</span></em><span>’. They will not harm you as long as they can stay in your house.</span>
</li>
</ol><p>
  <em>
    <span>Note:</span>
  </em>
  <span> Rubber ducks keep evil at bay. Get one immediately if you have not followed the steps in this guide exactly.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. How to feel again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2 class="title">How to feel again</h2><p></p><div class="body-text">
  <ol>
<li>Walk barefoot in the grass, remember the way this feels. Now put your shoes back on, you do not want the thing to touch your toes.</li>
<li>Go outside in the dark, scream at the moon. She is listening, it is okay.</li>
<li>Allow her to comfort you, she means well.</li>
<li>If you hear other people screaming, do not fret, they are just as apathetic as you, let them feel.</li>
<li>If an elderly woman comes and stands near you, thank her. Listen to what she has to say, she knows best.</li>
<li>If you see an animal that does not belong, leave. Go home, and sit in a room in the dark. If you don’t, go home and have a good night’s sleep</li>
<li>Do not fall asleep.</li>
<li>If you hear whispers, it is okay.</li>
<li>Remember rule number 7 and 10. Leave at sunrise. Lock the door behind you. Feel.</li>
</ol>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. How to ‘die’</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to ‘die’</span>
</h2><p>
  <em>
    <span>Note: this applies to unkillable immortals ONLY, do not attempt otherwise</span>
  </em>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Let your friends and family (if any are still alive) know that you are going away for a while.</span></li>
<li><span>Write your will, leave it somewhere it will be found.</span></li>
<li><span>Stop eating or drinking for a month.</span></li>
<li><span>If you are having an affair with Persephone, now is the time to end it.</span></li>
<li><span>Find a field full of moss and purple flowers, these will provide the correct nutrients.</span></li>
<li><span>Dig yourself a grave, 20 feet deep is ideal, but 6 will do in a pinch.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask the fairies to bury you and dig you up when it is time, tell them you will determine what they get in return when you wake up again.</span></li>
<li><span>If there is a bald man in your grave, his name is Andriph, stay with him until springtime, let him learn what living feels like again.</span></li>
<li><span>Shave your head, put on your very best clothes.</span></li>
<li><span>Whether or not you have had an affair with her, Persephone will come for you around this time, pretend you don't see her.</span></li>
<li><span>Tie your hands together behind your back.</span></li>
<li><span>Lie facedown in your grave.</span></li>
<li><span>As the fairies cover you, say goodbye to the stars. They might not be there when you get back.</span></li>
<li><span>No matter how much you regret ‘dying’ do not try to get out until the fairies dig you up, it will be sooner than you think.</span></li>
<li><span>Andriph will have taken over as lord of the fae when you get back. Do not expect him to remember you, you two only meet in one of your heads.</span></li>
<li><span>When the worms come for you, be kind to them, they are lonely.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. If you wake up in a pitch black room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>If you wake up in a pitch black room</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Take note of the position you are in. It will determine what they will do with you.</span></li>
<li><span>If you are lying down, wait five minutes and then go back to sleep. They will realize they chose you on accident and will return you to where you should be shortly.</span></li>
<li><span>If you are standing, it’s too late.</span></li>
<li><span>If you are sitting, stay perfectly still. From anytime between a minute and a day, they will arrive. They will thank you for your patience. They will then proceed to give you a series of tests.</span></li>
<li><span>You will hear a gentle voice from behind you. Do not look at it, it belongs to their enemy. After an hour, you will then begin to hear the screams of the one you love the most surround you. Ignore them. Once the screams go away, you will be exposed to your worst fear. Do not flinch. Embrace it.</span></li>
<li><span>Once you have passed all of their tests, you will blink three times. After the final blink, you will be outside your house.</span></li>
<li><span>Proceed with your life as usual. They need time to make a decision. This may take several weeks. Take note of the little changes that they have made to the world around you.</span></li>
<li><span>After they are finished, they will take you back to the dark room.</span></li>
<li><span>They will reveal their true form to you. Do not make any comments about it. You may ask them three questions. After all three questions are used, close your eyes. You have been deemed worthy.</span></li>
<li><span>You will wake up wherever you first slept. No time will have passed since then.</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure to listen for their cries. They will be in need of help one day, and they will call on you for it. Await it. You have no choice.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. How to confirm whether or not you are a changeling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to confirm whether or not you are a changeling</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Physical appearance. Eyes are always a giveaway. They’re a little brighter, a little prettier, a little more noticeable than they should be. If you are regularly complimented on your eyes, or if you have unusual eyes, that’s the first sign.</span></li>
<li><span>Changelings are assigned to parents who are not ready for parenthood, whether this is due to abusive tendencies or a general inability to raise a child. If you have cruel parents or are adopted/fostered, and so on, that may be a hint.</span></li>
<li><span>You feel as though you don’t belong in your body. As though this human form is not yours and you’re merely a borrower or a prisoner, or perhaps its captor. You also may feel as though you share the body with other entities, although these entities are not part of the body, they are you. You have their thoughts and memories.</span></li>
<li><span>You have memories of things you didn’t experience. In this current life, at least. If you have memories from past lives, memories of dying or of situations you haven’t experienced, that may also be a sign.</span></li>
<li><span>a severe dislike of certain areas with no apparent cause or correlation. If you are physically unable to force yourself into a swimming pool, for example, despite gladly running into an ocean or lake.</span></li>
<li><span>an enjoyment and/or relaxation from adrenaline rushes. If you love the feeling of falling or you find high-speed roller coasters relaxing, that’s an extremely strong hint.</span></li>
<li><span>You barely feel the cold, or don’t feel it at all, but are very sensitive to heat and uncomfortable in hot or warm weather. Also, if you are unreasonably cold during normal weather.</span></li>
<li><span>You have a fascination with blood- but only your own. If you have a nosebleed and prefer to watch it drip down your face than block it with a tissue, this could be a hint. Violent daydreams and a need for pain could also be a hint, but if none of the other signals on this list are present, perhaps consult a therapist.</span></li>
<li><span>you’re a very fast and skilled climber, and you can hide very well in tight spaces. Especially if you enjoy tight spaces rather than feeling claustrophobic. If you would prefer to sit on top of a cabinet with the doors almost entirely shut than on the floor or a chair, this is a sign.</span></li>
<li><span>bad with humans, good with….well, anything else. If you love animals, plants, spirits and so on, this could be a potential hint. Changelings have been known to engage in many ritual activities and even summoning spirits or demons to keep them company. Changelings are from a different world, and therefore can see, feel and sense things that humans cannot. If you regularly notice paranormal activity and are rarely phased by it, you may be a changeling. You do not have to see them to feel that they are there.</span></li>
<li><span>Frequent nightmares and difficulty to sleep at night may also be a sign. Changelings sometimes develop nocturnal tendencies.</span></li>
<li><span>When you listen to music, you don’t just listen. You feel it. Every word is a part of your experiences. The rhythm makes you feel like your body is moving even if you are still. The melody flows through your veins. It isn’t just a song. It’s a piece you must use to build yourself. It becomes part of a handmade soul.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <em>
    <span>Note:</span>
  </em>
  <span> If you have most, or all, of these symptoms, it is likely that you are a changeling.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Escaping angelic prison</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Escaping angelic prison</span>
</h2><p>
  <b>
    <em>For Regular Prison Security:</em>
  </b>
</p><ol>
<li><span>You likely got into this horrid mess by committing some grave sin or killing an angel. Repent, even if you don’t want to. The Wardens will know. They only want the best for you.</span></li>
<li><span>When meeting the Wardens, or being transported, be on your best behaviour. They will believe you are doing better and have nothing to hide.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember to exercise and take care of yourself. The Wardens will provide any necessities and accommodate for medicine, skincare, and self-care products.</span></li>
<li><span>Refer to number one. Do this nightly and the Wardens will give you special treatment (yes, they exhibit favoritism quite a bit). Become their favorite.</span></li>
<li><span>Give the indoor Warden a bouquet of hydrangeas. They remind her of her wife.</span></li>
<li><span>Give the outdoor Warden a soccer ball. It will remind him of when he was human.</span></li>
<li><span>Tell them that you have things to do back home and that you would like to shorten your sentence. They will make sure to put it through.</span></li>
<li><span>Bid them adieu when you leave. They want to keep in touch. Give them your number if prompted.</span></li>
<li><span>When leaving, remind yourself that they cannot put you back in. Thinking it makes it so, as angels are only as powerful as humans make them out to be.</span></li>
<li><span>Go home and save the Wardens’ numbers in a leather-back journal. They appreciate it more than you know.</span></li>
<li><span>You have just escaped. They were not supposed to shorten your sentence, but there are loopholes.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <b>
    <em>For Death Row:</em>
  </b>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Refer to previous 1-4. Repenting and being kind is the best you can hope for here.</span></li>
<li><span>Complain to the Death Warden about your living space, saying things along the lines of: ‘Unfit for (species) habitation.’ Whatever you are, this will get their attention and you will be moved to a slightly less guarded room.</span></li>
<li><span>There will always be a spork under the bed. Hold it, and you will realize it is not a spork, but a shovel.</span></li>
<li><span>There is a hole in the back right corner under four discolored rocks. Remove the discolored rocks, and continue digging the hole.</span></li>
<li><span>Do such for a week. You are busy.</span></li>
<li>
<span>They will not see as long as you cover the hole with the discolored rocks. Those rocks are your </span><em><span>lifeline</span></em><span>.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Once the hole is dug, at the bottom should be a panel.</span></li>
<li><span>Remove the panel and slide through the space. You will find yourself in the same area you were arrested, now with a new tattoo.</span></li>
<li><span>Said tattoo means you have served your sentence and you are dead. You are not dead, however, and this tattoo will keep them from tracking you.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid contact with any angelic presence (excluding the Devil/Lucifer/whatever you wish to call him) for around two years. They will have forgotten about you by then.</span></li>
<li><span>You will not be able to return to the prison under any circumstances. This, likely, is what you were hoping for. Congrats.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <span>*HGK477 will </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> bail you out. They do not have the funding for that in human souls</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. How to find and become friends with the faeries in your yard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to find and become friends with the faeries in your yard</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Faeries enjoy sun-baking on moss close to water. If you have a pond or pool, subtly search there.</span></li>
<li><span>They know you are looking for them, but don’t make it obvious. There are things out there that are also seeking the nymphs, but for unpleasant reasons, and the nymphs will not show themselves if you draw attention to them.</span></li>
<li><span>If you find tiny circles of small rocks and pebbles, do not move them. They are either seating areas or protection circles. Research is still ongoing.</span></li>
<li><span>Plant a few herb plants, particularly basil, mint or rosemary, and ornamental grass.</span></li>
<li><span>Stir honey into warm water and put in a small dish or bird feeder around dusk.</span></li>
<li><span>Try to keep pets such as dogs and cats out of your yard. While faeries can handle themselves, they will appreciate this gesture.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not be surprised if you begin seeing other small creatures enjoying your yard. They are your friends too.</span></li>
<li><span>They may start leaving you gifts at your door or on your windowsill. You may take them.</span></li>
<li>
<span>If they put something under your pillow or in your pockets, </span><b>DO NOT</b><span> move them.</span>
</li>
<li><span>You have successfully become friends when they leave a small glass vial of fireflies on your bathroom sink.</span></li>
<li><span>Wear the vial on a chain around your neck. Not is all as it seems, and the vial can help you.</span></li>
<li><span>If you find a small glass vial full of worms, abandon all efforts and sprinkle iron shavings on window sills and under doors. You can appease the faeries by leaving out a dish of milk or shiny objects such as earrings.</span></li>
<li><span>If the milk and shiny objects are gone, you may try to befriend them again. If everything is still there, leave the iron shavings where they are and try again after the next Midsummer’s Eve.</span></li>
<li><span>If you wake up to find a headless bird hanging above your bed, immediately move out of your house and call HGK477 to deal with the faeries. This is expensive. Get insurance.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. What to do if you find yourself bitten by a werewolf</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>What to do if you find yourself bitten by a werewolf</span>
</h2><p>
  <span>Firstly, werewolves are only one of many different Lycanthropes however werewolves are the most common type, so therefore it is why this guide is about werewolves. Other variants of Lycanthrope include wererat, werebear, and werehouse.</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Get to an HGK477 hospital or call one of the HGK477 emergency numbers. It is important that you try to get help as soon as possible or you could, unfortunately, get an infection in the wound.</span></li>
<li><span>Unfortunately, you’re no longer human; time to get a moon calendar.</span></li>
<li><span>Werewolves or any lycanthrope are not violent by nature, despite media representation. As long as you eat a lot of calories before and after transforming you won’t actually attack anyone.</span></li>
<li><span>Personally, I found that finding a pack of other lycanthropes can help improve your experience when transformed. Lycanthropes are pack animals.</span></li>
<li><span>Werewolves don’t like wererats.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember your moon calendar.</span></li>
<li><span>Some establishments don’t particularly like werewolves, so employ vampires in their staff. You’ll be able to tell if you are welcome.</span></li>
<li><span>Some bookshops have werewolf sections designed for actual werewolves in the back. Ask for a Lucas ‘with-a-Y’. They’ll understand.</span></li>
<li><span>You’ll find your immune system is drastically improved. However, the common cold is still an issue.</span></li>
<li><span>Not everyone’s experience is the same. Some lycanthropes have set up support groups for newly turned lycanthropes. You can find a list by calling the HGK477 helplines.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. How to deal with a rat infestation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to deal with a rat infestation</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Call an exterminator first.</span></li>
<li><span>Find the source of the infestation. Is there a nest, or are they from elsewhere?</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure it isn’t a Flukiel. This is easy to tell by their teeth. If they have no teeth, it’s highly suggested you evacuate.</span></li>
<li><span>If they bring you a dead beetle, accept it. It is a peace offering.</span></li>
<li><span>The rats may try to guide you somewhere. This is usually a sign that the rat king wants to talk. In this case, keep a backpack with 3 days worth of food and essentials, and follow the rats. The rat king means no harm.</span></li>
<li><span>If the exterminator reeks of onion, keep an eye on them as they work. If they eat the rats, make sure to give them water before they leave. This cleans them, as not all exterminators are human.</span></li>
<li><span>Set up rat traps. They’re quite cheap.</span></li>
<li><span>Seal all cracks and holes, so no more rats can get in.</span></li>
<li><span>Buy a cat. However, if you have a Flukiel infestation and can’t afford to move, buy a dog, preferably a large one.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep watch. Rats always try to come back.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. If your cat stares at the wall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>If your cat stares at the wall</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Call their name. They always know what you’re saying, trust me.</span></li>
<li><span>If they do not respond (i.e look at you), check for a bug. Cats can speak to bugs. They’ll try to eat the bad ones.</span></li>
<li><span>If there is no bug, try and remember if your house has a Thing. The knowledge will be covered, it doesn’t want you to know. It’s in your mind if you look.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not pet the cat. They are trying to protect you. Let them do so.</span></li>
<li><span>The cat will keep you safe. They love you.</span></li>
<li><span>If the cat turns to look at you, and does not blink, the Thing has moved. Walk calmly out of the room. Leave the cat.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember #5. The Thing wants you to forget.</span></li>
<li><span>If this behavior continues for more than two hours, leave the house.</span></li>
<li><span>Burn it. Start upstairs, light a curtain near an outlet.</span></li>
<li><span>Your cat will be waiting by the door, as always. Take them with you.</span></li>
<li><span>Contact HGK477. They will know what to do. The Thing will know when they are coming and flee.</span></li>
<li><span>If HGK477 can’t find the Thing, that’s good. It won’t bother you again.</span></li>
<li><span>If your cat continues to stare, always seemingly at something right behind you, leave your hometown and never look back. Keep no ties with humans or Things. Just keep your cat.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <span>HGK477 is not liable if the fire spreads. Cast wards for your neighbors’ protection and to make it appear to be an electrical fire.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. For making a deal with a demon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>For making a deal with a demon</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Decide what you are willing to sell your soul for. Don’t settle for less.</span></li>
<li><span>Research which demon you want to make a deal with. Some demons are more adept at certain deals than others.</span></li>
<li><span>Research what you are making the deal for. Make sure you understand it forwards and backwards. Demons don’t have return policies for unsatisfactory deals.</span></li>
<li><span>Find a secluded but well-lit location to summon the demon you have chosen. Do not summon your demon in a place no one else will go.</span></li>
<li><span>Set up a devil’s trap to keep your demon with you. If you skip this step, your demon is liable to escape and may attempt to kill you.</span></li>
<li><span>HGK477 is not responsible for any injuries suffered when followers of this guide attempt to summon a demon.</span></li>
<li><span>Perform your summoning ritual at the darkest hour of the night. This will vary from location to location, or day to day. The best measure of when the darkest hour will fall is the time halfway between sunset and sunrise.</span></li>
<li><span>If your demon does not arrive on your first summoning ritual, do not worry. He or she was probably held up with another deal. Or office work in hell. Or doing anything to avoid answering your summons.</span></li>
<li><span>Return to your summoning location each night for a month. If your demon answers your summon, move on to Step 12. If not, finish through Step 11 and destroy all evidence of this guide.</span></li>
<li><span>After a month of failed summons, DO NOT try to summon your demon again. Clear all evidence of your research into your demon and the deal you wanted to make. Bleach the floor of your devil’s trap. Burn your location to the ground, if possible. Then leave the scene as quickly as possible.</span></li>
<li><span>Move to another city exactly 100 miles due east of your current residence. The angels are coming for you. You don’t want them to catch you.</span></li>
<li><span>When your demon has been summoned, do not be alarmed by his or her appearance. Most demons choose a human-like appearance for dealings with humans, but some more disgruntled ones will don their true form to scare away any potential clients. They just want to enjoy their retirement and chill out by the lava flows.</span></li>
<li><span>Retrieve your research files on your demon and the subject of your deal. Your demon will ask what deal you want to make. He or she already knows; it’s just a formality he or she must follow.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not speak to your demon until you have at least three witnesses and a lawyer experienced in demon deals. Refer to Step 4. You can hire a demon lawyer up to three months before the expected date of your deal at www.hgk477.com/lawyersfordeals666, or call 1-800-DEMON42 for an impromptu consultation.</span></li>
<li><span>Wait for your demon lawyer to arrive. Again, refer to Step 14.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not let your demon set the terms of your deal without writing them down in your presence. Remember, you may be working together, but he or she is still a demon, and dishonesty is just part of being a demon.</span></li>
<li><span>Read over the contract for your deal VERY CAREFULLY. Your lawyer can help you with this step.</span></li>
<li><span>Please note that contracts will vary in length from a few pages to several novels. This is why you should have done thorough research on the object of your deal.</span></li>
<li><span>Only sign the contract where your demon has marked it with a red X. Signing at any other place will result in your signing up for something you didn’t expect.</span></li>
<li><span>Your demon may ask for physical evidence of your consent to a deal. This may range from a handshake to some… unsavory actions. Remember, you have some bargaining power with your demon. If you are uncomfortable with what they ask of you, offer him or her a compromise you are comfortable with.</span></li>
<li><span>Before you finish your deal, obtain a promise from your demon that he or she will allow you to leave the location peacefully. Refer to Step 5.</span></li>
<li><span>Refer to Step 6.</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure you remember the terms of your deal. Make the most of it before it expires.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. General information regarding the befriending of a star</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>General information regarding the befriending of a star</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>If you have found yourself drawn to one in particular for quite some time, they have chosen you, that’s a great start.</span></li>
<li><span>Once you are aware of this, you must greet them, it’s only polite.</span></li>
<li><span>Generally, you’ll find that you didn’t plan how you greet them, there’s a reason for that.</span></li>
<li><span>Simply, they greeted you first and you responded.</span></li>
<li><span>You won’t remember their voice, but you will always remember them once they speak to you.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep in mind, if they have chosen you, it’s possible they require your help; this isn’t always the case though.</span></li>
<li><span>It could be that it’s been a while since they’ve seen you, you’ve always been friends after all.</span></li>
<li><span>Stars have an infinite memory, you do not.</span></li>
<li><span>They will always hear you, even when you can’t see them, even when they sleep.</span></li>
<li><span>If you dream about them, be careful, their place is not your place, yet.</span></li>
<li><span>If you convince yourself that you belong there, you will meet them again some day but not in that lifetime.</span></li>
<li><span>You will cry when that happens and you won’t know why.</span></li>
<li><span>Stars don’t have big issues, they may just like listening to your Song, it may sound closest to theirs or completely different.</span></li>
<li><span>If your friend has asked you for help, you won’t remember that they did or that you helped.</span></li>
<li><span>But if you’ve taken a sudden interest in a new hobby, you’ve added a new Chord and they quite like it.</span></li>
<li><span>If you can hear and remember their voice, you’re probably related.</span></li>
<li><span>Star voices are tactile, goosebumps are an indicator.</span></li>
<li><span>If you think you could be of celestial relations, stay awake from jobs that specifically ask you to bare your skin or teeth; your bones are valuable and your Song is stored in your teeth.</span></li>
<li><span>If you are experiencing heartburn and your feet go to sleep frequently, my deepest condolences, they have passed on and they loved you very much.</span></li>
<li><span>At this time it is unclear whether stars mourn their passing kin. You may mourn as you deem necessary.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Talking to the quiet girl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Talking to the quiet girl</span>
</h2><p>
  <span>You will find her in many random places. She will keep to herself, only speaking if she has to. You must follow these steps precisely, or risk never having a chance to explore her world.</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Locate her first. She sits in the same spot at the corner café or the downtown park every day, and always arrives at the same time. She expects to be alone, always. She is not accustomed to change. You are a change. Proceed with caution.</span></li>
<li><span>She always has one specific thing she carries, likely a snack or trinket. Find something similar to what you have seen her admiration for. This is your gift to her.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Before she arrives, place the gift at the table she sits at with a note saying nothing more than, “</span><em><span>I thought you would like this.</span></em><span>” Give no regard to your identity or anything else. You must reveal yourself to her in person.</span>
</li>
<li><span>When she arrives, she will set her bag at either side of her chair. If she places it on the table or under the chair, abandon the plan and try again later - she does not want company and will grow angry at your attempts to speak to her.</span></li>
<li><span>She will see the gift, read the note, and smile. If she does not smile, abandon the plan. She is not what you think she is.</span></li>
<li><span>She will examine the gift, then place it in her bag and continue her normal routine. Do not approach her at this time. If you are at the café, ask the barista for an iced coffee with caramel and whipped cream. As he makes the drink, ask him to sprinkle nutmeg on it. Keep an eye on the Quiet Girl. If she leaves at this point, do not follow her, but wave, even if she does not look your way. Try again later.</span></li>
<li><span>The server will give you your drink. Tip him $2.36 in cash and coins. He will understand. You will not know what he has done, but he will know. He is doing his part to help you approach her at minimal danger to yourself.</span></li>
<li><span>Slowly drink your beverage. It is real coffee, not who you think it may be. You will begin to feel sluggish and calm. Stay awake. Watch the Quiet Girl, if she is still there. She will not look at you, but she has noticed.</span></li>
<li><span>Once your cup is empty, throw it away. Instead of returning to your seat, quietly walk over and sit with her. Smile, but do not say anything. She will look at you, but say nothing. Read a book.</span></li>
<li><span>After a certain amount of time, while the sun is beginning to set, she will leave. She will stand and wait for you to stand. After this moment, she will keep her own pace. You must keep up with her.</span></li>
<li><span>She will lead you to a hillside. It will not be a far walk, though you were just in the middle of town. Do not mention this. She will run away.</span></li>
<li><span>There will be a tree near the top of the hill. She will sit beneath it. Climb the tree. On one of the branches, a girl’s name will be scratched into the old wood. Remember this name. Climb down, and sit beside the girl. Do not speak before sunset. If she speaks to you, do not respond. She is testing you.</span></li>
<li>
<span>After the sun sets, she will take a deep breath and say thank you for the gift. It is a beautiful, smooth sound, and you will wish to hear it forever. Cherish her voice while you are able. Respond with your name. She will repeat it. Then say “</span><em><span>you’re welcome.</span></em><span>” She will smile.</span>
</li>
<li><span>At this point, you may ask her any questions. She will choose which ones she answers. Do not repeat a question. She may ask you some. Answer calmly. Do not get overly excited. She will become frightened and leave too early.</span></li>
<li>
<span>She will become suddenly quiet, and look at the stars. She will ask you, “</span><em><span>Who am I?</span></em><span>” At this point, you reply with the name inscribed on the tree earlier. It is hers. It fits her well. She will smile and look at you. Her eyes will reflect the stars. Kiss her forehead. It is warm. She will speak openly with you now. You still may not repeat any earlier questions, though she remembers the answers to all of them now.</span>
</li>
<li><span>The sun will begin to rise. She will hug you. Know that this is the last time you should speak to her in this moment. Do not say goodbye. She will not talk anymore.</span></li>
<li><span>The sunlight will grow around her. She will laugh. It is pure. But she will disappear. Stay quiet. Do not make her sad.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk to the bottom of the hill. Only then, may you say farewell. It should be daytime by now.</span></li>
<li><span>Leave the place, and return to the café. You do not know where you were, but you find your way back as if you have walked the long and lonely road many times. Enter the café. Sit in the seat across from the Quiet Girl’s normal spot.</span></li>
<li>
<span>She will walk in at her usual time, smiling. She will place her bag beside her chair. It now has her name on it. The barista will bring you two drinks. Thank him, but do not drink either. The cup reads “</span><em><span>DO NOT CONSUME</span></em><span>” on the side. You have likely seen this cup before.</span>
</li>
<li><span>At 2:36 pm, tell the girl goodbye. Leave the café. Do not look back. She is happy. She remembers. She is talking to Koffie. He and Bob, your barista, will take care of her now. When you return the following day, you will not see her.</span></li>
<li><span>Write her name on her old table with a pencil. If she forgets her name and ever returns, she will never have to be lost again, waiting for someone to notice her.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Enchanting moonwater</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Enchanting moonwater</span>
</h2><p>
  <span>Moonwater is a helpful ingredient and can enhance the effects of many spells. This is how to enchant and collect moonwater:</span>
</p><ol>
<li><span>Find a square room with one window and clear everything but a table near the window from it.</span></li>
<li><span>Close your eyes and sense whether you are alone. If you are not, you will know.</span></li>
<li><span>If you are not alone, whoever is with you is friendly, but will disrupt the process. Set out a strawberry flavored lollipop, close your eyes, and politely ask it to leave. When you open your eyes, the candy will be gone.</span></li>
<li><span>Once you are sure there is nobody there, sprinkle salt in all corners of the room.</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure you close the door and go somewhere you will have access to a stove. Once you are there, bring water to a rolling boil and add salt.</span></li>
<li><span>Take your water off the stove and pour it into a glass container. Take it into the room you have prepared.</span></li>
<li><span>Put your container of water on the table and open the window. Do not worry about anything or anyone coming in, the salt in the corners will prevent this.</span></li>
<li><span>Leave the water there for 28 days, a full moon cycle. When it is finished, get a dark glass bottle and pour the newly enchanted moonwater in.</span></li>
<li><span>The most important part is making sure it stays charged. Preventing the magic from seeping out is easy, though. Cork your bottle of moonwater and get a white candle. Light it and drip the wax all along the edge of the cork, sealing it until you need it.</span></li>
<li><span>Store your moonwater in a dark cabinet surrounded by a circle of salt. Now you can use it in whatever spells you like.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Dancing with the cosmos</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Dancing with the cosmos</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Dress appropriately. They will not accept you in casual attire. Ball gowns for all are a plus, but a colorful dress of any kind will do. No black- you’d blend in.</span></li>
<li><span>Call out to them once. Step outside when the fireflies and the stars meet and request to dance with one of the lights. You now have ten minutes to prepare your outfit. Call twice or more and they shun you.</span></li>
<li><span>Stand outside and wait until you float. Don’t worry, no one else can see you once you’re outside and ready. They can take some time to make room; don’t give up hope.</span></li>
<li><span>As you pass the moon, wish it a speedy recovery. She appreciates it more than you know.</span></li>
<li><span>Saturn will try to entice you with his rings. Politely decline. Any hostility will be detected and you don’t want to see Saturn cry.</span></li>
<li><span>Once among the cosmos, grab a star in your hands. It’s cold, don’t panic, they haven’t been touched in years.</span></li>
<li><span>Ignore the asteroids bumping into you. Don’t mention it as you dance; they’ll get offended and the party will end too soon.</span></li>
<li><span>When you’re done dancing amongst the cosmos, find the Milky Way. Ask him where he got his dashing outfit, and just before he answers you, interrupt with your address. You’ll find your way back home soon.</span></li>
<li><span>When you get home, burn the outfit. The stars appreciate seeing it fly once more into the night sky, whether on your body or in ashes.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Interacting with The Orb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Interacting with The Orb</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>The Orb is usually dormant. Try not to disturb too much.</span></li>
<li><span>The Orb can be questioned only on Thursdays. An attempt on any other day isn’t healthy.</span></li>
<li><span>Certain questions can make The Orb do things. Make sure you don’t stop The Orb when it does things.</span></li>
<li><span>The Orb can be very aggressive towards certain individuals. Do not worry, these individuals deserve it.</span></li>
<li><span>The Orb is located deep underground. That’s where it belongs.</span></li>
<li><span>The owls might warn you against The Orb. They are just jealous.</span></li>
<li><span>Any actions you take on The Orb’s advice can have drastic consequences.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not touch The Orb.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. The neighbor next door</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>The neighbor next door</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Always greet him when you pass him and his dog in the street</span></li>
<li><span>The dog wears shoes, a dog sweater, and even sunglasses. Do not pay too much attention to it.</span></li>
<li><span>They both wear a tinfoil hat. Do not bring this up in conversation.</span></li>
<li><span>Your neighbor actively tries to avoid eye contact. Make him feel at ease by avoiding eye contact as well.</span></li>
<li><span>Even though he is weird and appears to have been living under a rock for his entire life, be kind to him.</span></li>
<li><span>When you walk past his house and peek through the window, you will find all the walls covered in mathematical equations written in what appears to be glow in the dark fingerpaint. Do not try to make sense of it.</span></li>
<li><span>Everybody makes fun of him. Some are even scared of his weirdness.</span></li>
<li><span>Next time you see him and his dog, invite him over for a cup of tea. He will refuse but give you the warmest and saddest smile you have ever seen. He will tell you he is busy.</span></li>
<li><span>Insist. Ask as many times as you need to. He will eventually say yes and suggest you come over to his place the next day. Accept.</span></li>
<li><span>The next day you will hear him moving around furniture and scrub the walls and floor. Do not go there until he is finished cleaning.</span></li>
<li><span>Ring the doorbell. He will open the door. The house is as clean as can be. Do not mention this or he will think you are suspicious of him.</span></li>
<li><span>There is a strange energy in the house. Tell him your head tingles a little. He will make an awkward joke and suggest you wear one of his tinfoil hats. Put it on.</span></li>
<li><span>The couch is very comfortable and easy to sink into. However, he is a lot less heavy than you are and yet he sinks a lot more deeply into the couch than you do.</span></li>
<li><span>His eyes keep darting around the room. If you look into them you will learn things about yourself that he does not want you to know for your own good.</span></li>
<li><span>The air conditioner is blowing at full power. You will find the dog fully clothed underneath it. His tongue lolling. Do not stare at him for too long.</span></li>
<li><span>Talk about the universe. He has many stories to tell.</span></li>
<li><span>When he gets excited it is almost as if he hovers a little. </span></li>
<li><span>If he gets up to get the tea, go to the basement. You need to be quick.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not take off your tinfoil hat.</span></li>
<li><span>A green light, a loud hum, and an occasional bark come from out of the basement. Open the door.</span></li>
<li><span>There is a portal. Through it you will see a man playing fetch with a dog that has purple fur and green eyes. He throws the ball through the portal and the dog comes running after it.</span></li>
<li><span>The man on the other side of the portal looks eerily similar to your neighbor upstairs.</span></li>
<li><span>You will hear a cough behind you. It is your neighbor and his fully clothed dog. The purple dog licks the other dog’s nose before picking up the ball and going back through the portal. Tell him you know. You do not know the full details of it but you know.</span></li>
<li><span>Tell him you are very familiar with the supernatural.</span></li>
<li><span>He will tell you he has not enough knowledge on earth’s materials to repair the portal and that he and his dog both have been split in two and will continue to be so until the portal is fixed. </span></li>
<li><span>Tell him he can look you in the eyes. He will refuse. Insist. A tear will roll over his cheek. He does not want you to go insane. He does not want to use you for his own good. Tell him it is going to be fine and that you know people at HGK477 that can help you if anything goes wrong.</span></li>
<li><span>He will look you in the eyes and shortly after you will be unconscious. He will ask you questions on where to find certain materials and even tips on how to repair the portal; things you normally do not have the answer to, yet you answer them all.</span></li>
<li><span>When you open your eyes, the portal will have disappeared. Your neighbor and his dog will be gone. A ball will roll toward your feet. There will be a cup of hot tea waiting for you upstairs.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. The dancer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>The dancer</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Bring a flashlight, a camera, and some food.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk through the meadow at night.</span></li>
<li><span>You will come across a clothesline. A dress hangs on it. A young woman ghost sits in front of it asking the wind to blow just a tiny bit harder. Do not make your presence known. Observe from afar.</span></li>
<li><span>When she puts on her dress and walks away, follow her.</span></li>
<li><span>The moonlight pierces through the holes in her back where her dress does not cover them.</span></li>
<li><span>She will walk up what appears to be a man made hill, and stand still. Do not walk up on this hill yourself. It is best to be respectful.</span></li>
<li><span>You only have to blink and hundreds of children ghosts will be sitting on the ground. All with a shimmer of hope in their eyes as the dim light of the moon shines through their perforated bodies.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not be confused if you do not hear any music as she dances. She dances in silence. She does her best to make something beautiful out of their fate.</span></li>
<li>
<span>She will offer her hand to one of the children and say </span><em><span>“Come take my hand and dance with me. It’s going to be okay.</span></em><span>”</span>
</li>
<li><span>Watch them dance. It is peaceful and beautiful.</span></li>
<li><span>You might feel a threatening presence from far away. Do not worry. Evil spirits enjoy watching her dance and will not do anything.</span></li>
<li><span>As she finishes dancing with one of the children, she hugs them. Soon after the child disappears.</span></li>
<li><span>She dances with a few more children until sunrise. Wait until then.</span></li>
<li><span>You will find her all alone, sitting on the hilltop, crying. She will get up and start walking aimlessly. Follow her.</span></li>
<li><span>Talk to her. You have to be very careful not to scare her. Ask her why she is crying.</span></li>
<li><span>She will tell you that it hurts more and more every day. She cannot pass over to the afterlife without her little brother. She has searched the meadow everywhere for the past 80 years.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask her if she can rule out that her little brother passed over to the afterlife himself. She will say yes.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask for her little brother’s name.</span></li>
<li><span>Look up ‘Jakub Zieliński’ online. Tell her you will be back within a few days.</span></li>
<li><span>Find out where Jakub lives and go there.</span></li>
<li><span>Ring the doorbell. An old man in a wheelchair will open the door. His right leg is missing. Explain the situation to him.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes old people can be stubborn and hard to convince. Call HGK477 to deliver magical objects or spirits in a bottle.</span></li>
<li><span>Once he believes in the supernatural and your story, bring him to the meadow at night. Do not forget his wheelchair and crutches.</span></li>
<li><span>His mouth will fall open as he sees his sister dancing by herself on the hill. He will grab his crutches and struggle up the hill. Do not help him. Doing things by himself is the only thing he knows.</span></li>
<li><span>Give them a moment. A long moment. Get your camera and take pictures.</span></li>
<li><span>It will not be long for they both cry tears of joy. They will both beckon you to walk up the hill. It is okay this time.</span></li>
<li><span>The energy in this place is suddenly a lot more joyous.</span></li>
<li><span>Watch Jakub and his sister dance. Although they cannot touch each other, it looks as if they are holding each other as Jakub does an astounding job of balancing himself on one foot.</span></li>
<li><span>The other children will appear.</span></li>
<li><span>For the first time in 80 years, she will ask everyone to dance at the same time.</span></li>
<li><span>Look at how everyone dances with each other, their faces beaming. You too should dance. Maybe even look for a dance partner.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not be afraid as everyone around you disappears. Their time has finally come.</span></li>
<li><span>Jakub will be holding his sister, tears streaming down his face. She will tell him that she will be waiting for him on the other side, and disappear.</span></li>
<li><span>Get his wheelchair.</span></li>
<li><span>Go to the nearest town and have a drink together.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring him back home.</span></li>
<li><span>Develop the pictures you took with your camera.</span></li>
<li><span>Visit Jakub again once the pictures are ready.</span></li>
<li><span>Give him the photos of him dancing with his sister. He will embrace you. Maybe for a bit longer than you expected. Hug him back.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. An in-depth guide on human shadows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>An in-depth guide on human shadows</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>To see your shadow, you need a light source. Go outside and stand in the sun. Your shadow will hide behind you, where the sun cannot touch it.</span></li>
<li><span>Your shadow will rarely do anything while you are alive. It is just there. However, your relationship with your shadow and how you treat it is of utmost importance.</span></li>
<li><span>When walking alongside the road, make sure cars do not drive over your shadow. Keep your distance when talking to other people so that no one steps on your shadow. In general, treat your shadow like a friend or at least with respect.</span></li>
<li><span>Your shadow becomes stronger as you grow older. You infuse your soul little by little every time your shadow is cast.</span></li>
<li><span>Depending on what is done to the body after someone dies, shadow people are born. Burying or cremating a body is a sure way to kill someone’s shadow.</span></li>
<li><span>Most shadow people come forth from dead bodies laying someplace where the sun can reach it and cast a shadow.</span></li>
<li><span>Shadow people can roam freely, detached from the body. They can walk in broad daylight, as long as the dead body has a shadow. However, most shadow people prefer to stay in shadows cast by building, trees, etc. They disappear when a light source cannot reach their dead body.</span></li>
<li><span>Shadow people are not ghosts.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not be afraid when your shadow is not there when it is supposed to. A shadow person will take its place quickly. Most people do not notice their shadow is missing. However, many people have experienced ‘being connected to a different soul’, or ‘getting glimpses of a past life’. In most cases, this is due to your soul being connected to that of the shadow of a dead person.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Your shadow leaves for a) </span><em><span>it needs to protect something in their own world</span></em><span> b) </span><em><span>out of malicious intent</span></em><span>. If a shadow person does not temporarily replace your shadow, pray that it does not get killed.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Do not worry when you think a shadow person is following you. You might spot one out of the corner of your eye or behind a tree. Thank them for being there.</span></li>
<li><span>Shadow people use fear to keep humans out of harm’s way.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes you might only see the legs or a shadow person without a head. Refer to point 6. Either a light source cannot reach those parts, or the individual’s fate was rather unfortunate. If you have the stomach for it, follow the ‘broken shadowy figure’. They will most likely lead you to their host. Once there, repair the shadow.</span></li>
<li><span>When you see a shadow person with a tail, run. If it continues to follow you, you and your shadow may need to defeat it. Millennia ago, a demon and a human had children. The sorcerers of that time turned the children to stone and used them as statues to decorate their gardens. In order to kill these type of shadows, you need to find and destroy the statue.</span></li>
<li><span>When shadow people die, it freezes and darkens the place they died, similar to blood. Stay away from darkened areas as it attracts all sorts of dangerous creatures.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Visiting the sports fields after 10 pm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Visiting the sports fields after 10 pm</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Grab a knife from the kitchen drawer.</span></li>
<li><span>Put on your running shoes and jog to the sports fields.</span></li>
<li><span>There will not be many people training. Remember everyone you see.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask the coach if you can join.</span></li>
<li><span>Introduce yourself to your teammates under a fake name. Pay attention to how they react.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep an eye on everyone. Whenever someone goes to the toilet, go to the toilet as well. Hold your knife.</span></li>
<li><span>Hold your nose. Ask the spirits to give a raise to whoever is cleaning the toilets.</span></li>
<li><span>The scout is not there to recruit sports talent.</span></li>
<li><span>Pretend you have bad stamina.</span></li>
<li><span>Be on the lookout for the teenage girl on the bleachers texting all the time. If she makes eye contact, leave.</span></li>
<li><span>Whenever you are near the side of the field, you might hear someone shoveling up dirt. Do not draw their attention.</span></li>
<li><span>If a ball lands among the bushes, do not go and get it. Wait until morning.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes the ghost of a young father appears sitting on the bleachers. He is proud of his son, but looks very concerned.</span></li>
<li><span>Rich people pay good money for organs.</span></li>
<li><span>After the training, go to the canteen. Drink alcohol. Make it clear that you have an unhealthy liver.</span></li>
<li><span>Make friends with everyone there but be vigilant.</span></li>
<li><span>When you see a man with muddy jeans entering the canteen, stab him in the kidney.</span></li>
<li><span>Demand the barman to save him.</span></li>
<li><span>He will open the fridge, take out an organ, and begin to operate on the spot.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk to the fridge. Look for the heart of Tom Gallagher. Take it out.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk to the fields. Look for the ghost. His son often continues to train after the session is done.</span></li>
<li><span>Offer Tom his heart. He will start talking about his son and say that he cannot leave him behind. Tell him it is better this way and that everything is going to be alright.</span></li>
<li><span>When he accepts, place his heart where it should be. It will light up. He will disappear shortly after.</span></li>
<li><span>Leave the sports fields. Run back home.</span></li>
<li><span>A white van will follow you, slow down. It is the ‘scout’.</span></li>
<li><span>He will roll down the window and tell you that you are a phenomenal athlete and he wants to monitor your heart rate as you run back home. Accept.</span></li>
<li><span>He will open the back of the van. It is filled with all sort of sports equipment. When he puts the FitBit around your wrist, stab him.</span></li>
<li><span>Call the police.</span></li>
<li><span>Go home. Take a nice shower.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <em>
    <span>Note:</span>
  </em>
  <span> This guide is only relevant for other timelines. Not for the timeline in which you are reading this. Do not follow this guide. Do not stab anyone. This is only relevant when you travel to a different timeline </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. When taking the elevator</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>When taking the elevator</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Stand in front of the elevator. Press the button and wait for the doors to open. Step inside.</span></li>
<li><span>Select the floor you would like to visit. The doors will close.</span></li>
<li><span>When the elevator is on the right floor, wait for the doors to open and step out. Good job!</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid taking the lift really late at night. Teens like to do it in there.</span></li>
<li><span>If during your elevator ride a cleaner holding a mop enters, inspect the bucket of water for blood. Trust your instincts.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes a person with a dog walks in. Make sure the dog and the leash are both inside the elevator before the door closes.</span></li>
<li><span>Shorcs love to reside in elevator shafts. Being near them causes you to hallucinate rather vividly. I recommend writing something on your hand that reminds you of reality. Keep reading the words on your hand until you get out of the elevator. If you forget to do this, you might not be able to read the words properly as you could already be hallucinating. The door might open to a different world. Effects usually wear off after three days. With a bit of luck, you avoid getting taken to the asylum.</span></li>
<li>
<span>The largest elevator manufacturer uses the same code to visit hidden floors. Buyers often forget to change it. Press </span><em><span>open</span></em><span>, </span><em><span>close</span></em><span>, </span><em><span>open</span></em><span>, </span><em><span>1</span></em><span>, </span><em><span>1</span></em><span>, and then hold </span><em><span>close</span></em><span> for 3 seconds.</span>
</li>
<li><span>If the doors open and the elevator is not there, stare into the void. Let it consume you. Close your eyes. Imagine where you want to go. Step inside. Open your eyes when the sensation of your body being torn apart has disappeared.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes the elevator gets stuck. Press the ‘alarm button’ on the control panel and ask for help. Do not worry when the lights start to flicker. The spirit inside the elevator is excited to have a companion for at least an hour or so. Do not forget to recite the words on your hand over and over again.</span></li>
<li><span>An elevator could crash. It happens very rarely. You will most likely die.</span></li>
<li><span>When other people enter the elevator, say hi. Watch out for the people who do not greet you back.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Walking up the cliff through the fog</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Walking up the cliff through the fog</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>The light beam from the lighthouse barely pierces through the thick layer of fog. Always remember where the lighthouse is.</span></li>
<li><span>The lighthouse is your downfall and salvation.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk towards the lighthouse. Never stop moving. You cannot see your own feet. It is better that way. </span></li>
<li><span>If you feel something brush against your legs or try to get into one of your pants’ legs, hold your breath until it goes away. Hopefully, you can hold your breath for long enough. </span></li>
<li><span>The waves crash against the cliff. If it gets quiet all of a sudden and you hear the sound of water drops falling around you, say with a stern voice “I am not here for you." </span></li>
<li><span>Look behind you often. At some point, you will see a car driving towards you. It's the headlights growing closer and closer. Eventually, the car will come to a stop. The headlights will turn off and a door slam shut. </span></li>
<li><span>You might hear the sound of a sword scraping over the ground. Someone is following you. </span></li>
<li><span>Never run. </span></li>
<li><span>Never stop moving. </span></li>
<li><span>You might come across a cabin. An old lady will open the door. If she grabs you and pushes you inside, let her. If she beckons you to come in, ignore her. Keep walking.</span></li>
<li><span>At some places, the fog is thinner. Close your eyes when passing through thin fog. </span></li>
<li><span>There are cows grazing on the grass patches of the cliff. Sometimes you will hear a very loud moo as one is pushed off the cliff. Offers are being made. Stay away from the cows. </span></li>
<li><span>In very rare cases, you will hear a voice guiding you through the fog. I am still not sure whether it is telepathy, whispers from the afterlife, or something else. </span></li>
<li><span>When traveling with someone else, you will lose each other. Do not try to find each other. Just let it happen. Goodbyes are hard. </span></li>
<li><span>Be careful not to run into someone!</span></li>
<li><span>Only breathe when necessary. </span></li>
<li><span>When you hear a dog bark, you are close to the lighthouse.</span></li>
<li><span>When you arrive at the lighthouse and you are not the only one there, chances are you are being reaped. Say hi to everyone and ask what they are all doing here. If they keep saying ‘The Shepherd is coming’ over and over again, walk towards the door of the lighthouse. State that you are here to bring offers. The light of the lighthouse will turn off. Open the door and spend the night in the lighthouse. The next day the fog will have disappeared.  </span></li>
<li><span>Open the door. Do not be afraid of all the dead bodies laying around the lighthouse and across the cliff. </span></li>
<li><span>Look for the body of the man with the sword. Take his sword. </span></li>
<li><span>Find his car. Turn on the navigation system and select ‘Home’. </span></li>
<li><span>Break into his house. Look for clues for when the next reaping is.</span></li>
<li><span>Come up with a plan to attract as many people as possible to the lighthouse on that day. </span></li>
<li><span>Now it is your turn to reap.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Taking a shower at night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Taking a shower at night</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Never turn on the lights. Light some candles instead.</span></li>
<li><span>State that you want some privacy. Ask everyone in the bathroom to leave.</span></li>
<li><span>Take off your clothes. Hide them.</span></li>
<li><span>Grab a clean towel. Hop into the shower.</span></li>
<li><span>Inspect the shower drain. Make sure there are no purple hairs in there.</span></li>
<li><span>Take a cold shower for the first 30 seconds to get rid of the thing living in the shower hose. It likes to come out of the shower head while you are washing your hair.</span></li>
<li><span>If you have a shower curtain, do not close it. The candlelight has to be dancing on your body at all times.</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure nobody can see you from outside. </span></li>
<li><span>Check if the soap and shampoo have not been replaced with something else. Put some of it on your forearms first to see if it is harmful. </span></li>
<li><span>Get your hair wet. Use a shampoo that smells like flowers. Inhale deeply through your nose. Enjoy the smell. You probably do not do this enough. </span></li>
<li><span>Enjoy massaging your hair. Close your eyes. Make yourself comfortable. Ooze confidence so no one messes with you (or your hair). </span></li>
<li><span>Take a peek every now and then. Check if there is no blood coming out of the showerhead. You might not have scared the thing in the shower hose enough.</span></li>
<li><span>If a black substance slowly rises from the drain and grabs your ankle, sing something out of tune to the best of your abilities. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not shower for more than eight minutes. Reduce your ecological footprint.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid showering too hot. Steam might show you things you would rather not see.</span></li>
<li><span>If the water turns cold all of a sudden, chances are you are using an older system and someone else in the house or apartment is using hot water. Do you live alone?</span></li>
<li><span>If the drain is clogged, call one of the plumbers at HGK477 out of precaution.</span></li>
<li><span>Turn off the water. Dry your hair and your body. Inspect your legs for any cuts.</span></li>
<li><span>Treat cuts immediately.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not go to bed if the shower head drips for more than five minutes after getting out of the shower. </span></li>
<li><span>Grab your clothes. Get dressed in your room. Not in the bathroom.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Do n</span><span>ot put the candles out. </span>
</li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Navigating the Bermuda Triangle</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Navigating the Bermuda Triangle</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Go by plane. Drink a bottle of vodka before boarding.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring a frying pan, some eggs, and a seashell.</span></li>
<li><span>Jump out of the plane just before flying over the Bermuda Triangle. Swim.</span></li>
<li><span>With some luck, you will come across a 97-year old fisherman named Charles in a rowboat. Tell him you want to explore the Bermuda Triangle. Ask if he can take you there. Offer to do the rowing.</span></li>
<li><span>He will tell you rowing is a bad idea. Instead, he will turn his rowboat into a sailboat. The sail shimmers. </span></li>
<li><span>There is a strong magical current in the Bermuda Triangle. You either need a magic sail to catch this current or a plane with special wings. </span></li>
<li><span>The water is strangely silent.</span></li>
<li><span>Sail towards the faint red glow.  </span></li>
<li><span>It is named the Devil’s Triangle for a reason. </span></li>
<li><span>Dive.</span></li>
<li><span>Cast a spell that allows you to breathe underwater. Due to the high amount of concentrated magic, anyone can cast a breathe-underwater spell. No prior experience needed. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not go near any shipwrecks.</span></li>
<li><span>The red glow is one of the many portals to Hell and a giant monster guards it. Swim towards it. </span></li>
<li>
<span>If you ever wanted to write to Lucifer, now is your chance. Drop your letter into the portal. The address is </span><em><span>Lucifer, 666 Hurricane Alley, Devil’s Triangle</span></em><span>.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Mermaids often play songs to pacify the monster. Place your hands over your ears so you do not hear their songs or you will fall into a coma. </span></li>
<li><span>Contact the mermaid tribe. Take out your shell, put it to your ear and wait for them to answer your call.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not swim too close to the portal or you will get sucked in.</span></li>
<li><span>There are many underwater currents that are boiling hot. Watch out!</span></li>
<li><span>You will sometimes hear screams. </span></li>
<li><span>If you feel something is staring at you, you are right. Take out your frying pan and eggs. </span></li>
<li><span>Crack the eggs and put the frying pan in one of the hot currents to fry them.</span></li>
<li><span>Once ready, drop the egg with the pan and all and let it sink deep into the darkness. Out of nowhere, two glowing eyes the size of mountains will light up the ocean for a split second. Shortly after, you will hear a burp. It will disappear again and let you explore the Bermuda Triangle without any interruption. </span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. Delivering blood to the mansion on the hill</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Delivering blood to the mansion on the hill</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Make sure the white van is speckless.</span></li>
<li><span>For every gallon of blood, bring two cloves of garlic.</span></li>
<li><span>Wear a wooden stake around your neck.</span></li>
<li><span>Slowly drive up the hill. The road is windy. Do not drive into the abyss.</span></li>
<li><span>If you hear anything suspicious behind you, looking into the rear-view mirror will not show you anything. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not pay any attention to the pile of dead sheep in the garden.</span></li>
<li><span>Before knocking on the door seven times, make sure the goods are still in the back of the van. </span></li>
<li><span>The door will open by itself.</span></li>
<li><span>Leave your protection outside. The door has a built-in garlic detector.</span></li>
<li><span>One of their bites does not turn you into one of them. Resign if this was the motivation behind your job application.</span></li>
<li><span>Sunlight does not harm them.</span></li>
<li><span>Respect the rules of the coven.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk up to the coffin propped against the wall at the end of the hall. Stand in front of it and wait. A thousand bats will make their way out. Do not flinch.</span></li>
<li><span>The coffin is empty.</span></li>
<li><span>Carefully place the bags of blood in front of it.</span></li>
<li><span>You will hear piano music coming from a room far, far away. Follow the sound. </span></li>
<li><span>A man will offer you some of your own goods in a wine glass. Drink it.</span></li>
<li><span>If the doorbell rings, never answer it for him.</span></li>
<li><span>He will hand you an envelope with money. If he does not want to pay, report to the HGK477 authorities immediately. Press the green button on your watch. </span></li>
<li><span>Wish him a gloomy day.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. The crazy cat lady next door</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>The crazy cat lady next door</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>She lives next to you for a reason. </span></li>
<li><span>Always be nice to her cats. Do not let them curse you. </span></li>
<li><span>She is not lonely. Not in the slightest.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid the cats whenever possible. They spy on you. </span></li>
<li><span>She speaks Cat, and with a lot of practice, you can also learn how to speak Cat and give her cats false information about you.</span></li>
<li><span>There are very few Cat teachers, so they are expensive, but it is definitely worth it.</span></li>
<li><span>The best way to learn is to adopt a cat and practice with it. </span></li>
<li><span>If she invites you over for a cup of tea, bring some of the finest foods for her cats. </span></li>
<li><span>If you notice cats following you almost all the time, you are either Satan’s offspring and he is looking for a new heir, or you have a big problem.</span></li>
<li><span>Find out when the cats report to her. Eavesdrop.</span></li>
<li><span>If she goes around the city feeding stray cats, her network is huge. Be careful. </span></li>
<li><span>She and her cats might get punished for misinformation. She might take vengeance. No matter how far down you are on the ladder of Hell, nothing comes between her and her cats. </span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. The floating island of King Rolo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>The floating island of King Rolo</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Wait on the coast. Any coast. The island will appear eventually. Maybe just not during your lifetime.</span></li>
<li><span>Once you see it, step in your rowboat. It has to be a rowboat.</span></li>
<li><span>Row towards the island. The waves shall grow stronger and stronger. This is your first test. </span></li>
<li><span>Once you get near the island, you will see that it is being pulled forward by thousands and thousands of seahorses.</span></li>
<li><span>King Rolo will welcome you and give you a contestant number.</span></li>
<li><span>The seahorses pull the island across the Seven Seas to collect contestants. This can take many years. </span></li>
<li><span>You will be granted immortality for the time being. </span></li>
<li><span>When there are enough contestants, King Rolo will announce the games.</span></li>
<li><span>Some contestants have been preparing themselves for centuries. Do your best!</span></li>
<li><span>Once the games have started, climb up into a big tree. You are not at sea anymore but the view is beautiful.</span></li>
<li><span>Those who get killed, live. Those who kill, die. Elvis died because he did not know this. </span></li>
<li><span>Some say the Norse god Loki once participated in the games and placed many nasty traps all over the island. Some say he is still there. He is a shapeshifter after all. </span></li>
<li><span>The ball can be bribed.</span></li>
<li><span>King Rolo likes to change the rules mid-game. </span></li>
<li><span>Always address King Rolo as King Rolo.</span></li>
<li><span>When you are asked to summon a demon as quickly as possible, make sure it is a weak demon. You do not win the game by being the quickest. You have to fight it. </span></li>
<li><span>Befriend the creature at the top of the volcano. Ask it to be your partner during the obstacle race. Hold on to its fur with all your might. It is very, very fast. </span></li>
<li><span>There are flowers taller than men. The ones with purple crescents for petals heal every illness when smelled.</span></li>
<li><span>If King Rolo invites you for dinner in his gigantic sandcastle, accept.</span></li>
<li><span>Eat everything that is offered to you.</span></li>
<li><span>The Vikings and Atlanteans are strong competitors.</span></li>
<li><span>If you lose, you die. </span></li>
<li><span>The winner is granted whatever they desire and given a fast seahorse. You can summon the seahorse whenever you want.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Walking along the shore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Walking along the shore</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Always walk barefoot. Take off your shoes. The beach wants to read your soul.</span></li>
<li><span>If you come across a starfish, tell him about your deepest desire. He will point you in the right direction.</span></li>
<li><span>A dog might run up to you when you are all alone on the beach. Let him walk with you for a while. </span></li>
<li><span>Sand is the combination of sea and land. In ancient times, the sea gods and land gods used to meet here. Sometimes they still do.</span></li>
<li><span>Mermaids are real. You might not see them but they see you.</span></li>
<li><span>If you see baby sea turtles hatch, keep your distance and keep an eye out for predators. Help them make it to the sea. You will receive a favor. </span></li>
<li><span>If something is calling you from far out at sea, ignore it. Keep walking.</span></li>
<li><span>The waves wash away bad feelings. Place both hands over your heart and put the feeling inside your hands. Carefully place it on the sand, close enough to the sea so the waves can reach it. The waves will grow stronger for a few minutes. Thank the waves.</span></li>
<li><span>Pick up a shell and hold it close to your ear. Shell spirits love telling stories. Especially about Charles, a fisherman who has been living on his rowboat for over 70 years and has not set foot on land ever since. They love him.</span></li>
<li><span>An island might appear out of nowhere and slowly grow closer. You are not imagining it.</span></li>
<li><span>Heed the seagulls’ warning. </span></li>
<li><span>Pick up some seaweed and bring it back home. It is a key ingredient in many potions. </span></li>
</ol><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. How to date your guardian angel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to date your guardian angel</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Find out if you have a guardian angel.</span></li>
<li><span>Look for signs. White feathers, flashes of light, or symbols in the clouds. </span></li>
<li><span>If you find a white feather, do not keep it or you will scare her. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not play hard to get. Play easy to catch. Jump off a building </span></li>
<li><span>Your guardian angel usually disappears immediately after saving you. </span></li>
<li><span>Never wear perfume.</span></li>
<li><span>Gradually make your activities more dangerous. She loves danger. Start off slow. Keep her coming back for more.</span></li>
<li><span>After a few times, she will linger around a little longer to rebuke you. Catch her off-guard. Ask her out. </span></li>
<li><span>There is also a possibility she is very annoyed and filed the necessary paperwork to be assigned to someone else. Carefully assess if you still have a guardian angel before doing anything dangerous.</span></li>
<li><span>If she wants to go on a date with you, go do something dangerous. She will most likely tell you she will not be protecting you to test your courage. Do not worry. She will always protect you. I suggest you go cloud jumping.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask her out on a second date.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid danger for some time. Let her wonder.</span></li>
<li><span>Smell your pillow. If it smells heavenly, she was definitely there last night.</span></li>
<li><span>As time goes by, and you have avoided danger for long enough, she will start appearing for things that are not dangerous at all. ‘Food poisoning’ or 'the road is slippery’ are often used excuses. In such cases, ask her out for dinner, or let her ride shotgun.</span></li>
<li><span>Ask if you may hold her hand. Feel how your heart grows warmer almost instantly.</span></li>
<li><span>Tell her about yourself. Ask her questions. Have fun.</span></li>
<li><span>Lean in for a kiss. When you close your eyes and touch her lips, a million stars will fall inside your head. You can now make a wish. She knows this. Wish to see her again. She will smile and give you another kiss. </span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0059"><h2>59. How to collect stardust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to collect stardust</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Get a wooden bucket. (Not iron, iron burns magic.)</span></li>
<li><span>Acquire a long, white feather. I recommend a thunderbird feather, but any should do.</span></li>
<li><span>Climb to the moon. This can be a mountain, a really long ladder, or an unusually tall telephone pole.</span></li>
<li><span>Once you get high enough, you’ll realize that the moon is not the moon.</span></li>
<li><span>It is an eye. The eye of an impossibly big creature, whose pelt is sprinkled with stars. (The moon is her left eye, if you’re interested.)</span></li>
<li><span>Do not disrespect her.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not speak to her.</span></li>
<li><span>Find the creature’s nose. This is where the feather comes in handy.</span></li>
<li><span>Tickle her nose until she sneezes. A few stars will be shaken off of her.</span></li>
<li><span>Quickly get out the bucket and catch them out of the sky.</span></li>
<li><span>Bow to the creature.</span></li>
<li><span>Always remember rule 6.</span></li>
<li><span>Climb back down to the earth.</span></li>
<li><span>Hold the bucket upside down at all times.</span></li>
<li><span>Gravity works the other way for stars.</span></li>
<li><span>Go to a garden.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not take the stars inside, under any circumstances.</span></li>
<li><span>Grind up the stars with a large stone. You may add rice in at the end, to keep them dry.</span></li>
<li><span>Always remember rule 17.</span></li>
<li><span>Always remember rule 14.</span></li>
<li><span>Hang the bucket in a discreet place near your home. (It will hang upside down, do not worry.)</span></li>
<li><span>Use within six months of this process.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <em>
    <span>Note</span>
  </em>
  <span>: this guide might not be applicable to the universe in which you reside.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. Surviving a snowstorm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Surviving a snowstorm</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Avoid avalanche areas.</span></li>
<li><span>Wear protective clothing.</span></li>
<li><span>Create a snow shelter as soon as possible.</span></li>
<li><span>Cut a small hole in the roof. </span></li>
<li><span>Never sleep on the snow.</span></li>
<li><span>Build a fire close to large rocks that will reflect the heat.</span></li>
<li><span>There should not be any tracks. If there are, run. You are not safe in your snow shelter. </span></li>
<li><span>Find the cabin.</span></li>
<li><span>They will lead you deeper and deeper into the woods. Your vision is a blur. Keep moving. Stay warm. </span></li>
<li><span>Eventually, you will find lanterns dangling from tree branches. </span></li>
<li><span>If the wind has stolen the life of the candles, you shall soon follow.</span></li>
<li><span>Get a piece of wood. Preferably a handful of twigs laying underneath the snow. Ask the surrounding trees for permission.</span></li>
<li><span>Look up. Sometimes the snowflakes will show you things. It is beautiful, is it not?</span></li>
<li><span>The cabin might appear desolated. Still, you better knock.</span></li>
<li><span>Tea and cookies will be waiting for you if the door opens.</span></li>
<li><span>The windows should be covered in snow. After all, they like you and wish you do not see what lurks outside.</span></li>
<li><span>The howling of the winds gets louder and louder. She is in pain. </span></li>
<li><span>Sit in front of the fireplace. He will come and greet you. Present him your offer. Hopefully, the trees gave you their permission. Right?</span></li>
<li>
<span>If the door does not open, break in. You will have about 30 minutes of protection from the snowstorm before the windows start to break and the roof caves in. Use this time wisely. You need a plan to avoid</span><em><span> it</span></em><span>.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Ask yourself later why you were not allowed in. Now is not the time. </span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0061"><h2>61. Buying your first magic carpet and how to fly it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Buying your first magic carpet and how to fly it</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Visit the bazaar.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring gold. </span></li>
<li><span>Ask the local merchants for directions. Booths that sell magic items often change the location to avoid theft.</span></li>
<li><span>Go at night. Merchants selling valuable items often sleep in their booth.</span></li>
<li><span>The merchant who scratches the back of his head a lot is the best!</span></li>
<li><span>Tell the merchant you are only interested in buying a magic carpet.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not touch anything. Many objects are cursed. </span></li>
<li><span>When the merchant presents you a carpet, ask if he can call upon the clouds for blessings. If he refuses, do not touch the carpet.</span></li>
<li><span>Beware of illegal or stolen magic carpets. You do not want the sultan to think that you are the one who stole his carpet.</span></li>
<li><span>Though magic carpets develop their own personality over time, the spinner, weaver and the magic caster often influence its personality. </span></li>
<li><span>Pay close attention to the fabric and color.</span></li>
<li><span>Old frayed carpets have withstood the test of time and offer quality for an often low price. Make sure you like your carpet’s personality though! </span></li>
<li><span>Always ask the merchant if he can demonstrate flying the carpet. </span></li>
<li><span>Find out what the command for making your carpet hover is. The merchant will only tell what it is after you buy the carpet. This is often a complex word so that thieves are not able to use the carpet. Hopefully, the merchant will not deceive you! Go to the man who scratches his head a lot. He is trustworthy.</span></li>
<li><span>Sit on your carpet. Make it hover. </span></li>
<li><span>Tell your carpet where you want to go.</span></li>
<li><span>If the place exists, your carpet will take you there. It will even fly through walls!</span></li>
<li><span>Do not dare to ask your carpet to take you to a place you do not think exists. It will go look for the place and will not stop flying until you arrive. If it does not exist, you will be flying until you die! </span></li>
<li><span>Your carpet gets tired too. Allow it the time to replenish its magic.</span></li>
<li><span>Compliment your carpet and scratch it from time to time. Especially when flying long distances.</span></li>
<li><span>Be careful not to fall off your carpet.</span></li>
<li><span>If you do not take good care of your carpet or disrespect it, it might throw you off.</span></li>
<li><span>Never, ever make your carpet dirty. First, it is extremely disrespectful. Second, damaged threads undermine your carpet’s capability to replenish its magic.</span></li>
<li><span>Many rookies like to fly their carpet over the desert. Beware of bandits! </span></li>
<li><span>Remember rule 19.</span></li>
<li><span>You can tell if your carpet is tired by how taut its fabric is. </span></li>
<li><span>The carpet’s edges often curl up if it is excited. </span></li>
<li><span>Your carpet understands your every word. You can have conversations with it. However, it is only able to answer yes or no questions and will answer by curling its corners. </span></li>
</ol><p>
  <span>Flying a magic carpet has been one of my best experiences ever! My carpet and I flew everywhere. I loved lying on my back and looking at the stars as we flew unhurriedly over the Sahara. Unfortunately, my carpet got stolen by bandits. We had a good bond. I miss him. I am sure he misses me too. I hope your current owner treats you well and that he tells you every day how beautiful and soft your silk is.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0062"><h2>62. When at the bowling alley</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>When at the bowling alley</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Beware the demon children having a party.</span></li>
<li><span>Always be nice to staff. You do not want them to assign you lane 8.</span></li>
<li><span>Be careful not to break your fingers.</span></li>
<li><span>You do not want to know where the pins go.</span></li>
<li><span>Feel free to order some drinks and have a good time.</span></li>
<li><span>If you do not like bowling but find yourself at the bowling alley because of your uncle’s birthday… there is no hope for you.</span></li>
<li><span>After you throw, immediately turn around and walk back to your seat.</span></li>
<li>
<span>If you throw a strike, you will look </span><em><span>very</span></em><span> cool.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Some creatures find their home inside bowling balls. Mind your fingers.</span></li>
<li><span>Always release the ball on time, you do not want to go flying after it and land in the back.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember rule 4.</span></li>
<li><span>Throwing with two hands is socially unacceptable.</span></li>
<li><span>When starting a new game, always enter fake names.</span></li>
<li><span>If suddenly a name you do not remember entering appears on the scoreboard, do not worry. Ghosts like bowling too.</span></li>
<li><span>If you are terrible at bowling, use the bumpers. Ask staff.</span></li>
<li><span>Never throw the ball in the gutter more than four times in a row.</span></li>
<li><span>Focus on where you want the bowling ball to go. It might help to imagine a magical chord going from your hand to your target. Throw and do not take your eyes off the target until you release the ball.</span></li>
<li><span>If the scoreboard glitches, get out.</span></li>
<li><span>Never use the lightest ball.</span></li>
<li><span>Three strikes and you are out.</span></li>
<li><span>If a stranger starts using your lane, politely ask them to leave.</span></li>
<li><span>Your arm rotates inwards when throwing. Taking a small step to the left or right might make all the difference!</span></li>
<li><span>Feel free to call upon your ancestors for a strike.  </span></li>
<li><span>If there is only one pin left standing, do your utmost best to hit it. It does not matter if you miss as long as the creature in the back sees you putting in the effort.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0063"><h2>63. Going downstairs at night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Going downstairs at night</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Be brave. </span></li>
<li><span>Watch something funny before going downstairs. </span></li>
<li><span>Get out of bed and tiptoe towards the door.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not wake the monster under your bed.</span></li>
<li><span>Cast a levitation spell if the stairs creak.</span></li>
<li><span>No one will be there when you turn around.</span></li>
<li><span>But there might have been. </span></li>
<li><span>In case of a robbery, having malicious spirits dwelling in your house is a good thing. </span></li>
<li><span>Never turn on the lights.</span></li>
<li><span>Stay awake.</span></li>
<li><span>Before opening the fridge, stand in front of it. Remember where you put the things you want, open the fridge and grab what you want as quickly as possible. Light attracts them. </span></li>
<li><span>Only drink milk or fruit juice.</span></li>
<li><span>Go outside if there is an egg missing. Consider selling your house or look for another place to rent.</span></li>
<li><span>If you decide to cook something, always cook for two.</span></li>
<li><span>Never turn on the TV to keep you company.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember, it smells fear.</span></li>
<li><span>Nothing is sitting in the chair or on the sofa. </span></li>
<li><span>Most of the ghosts you see are mere figments of your imagination going into overdrive because of fear. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not give in to fear created by your imagination. Do not look behind you to see if something is there. Nothing is there.</span></li>
<li><span>Unless you feel something breathing in your neck. Something is definitely there. Run up the stairs and back to your room and pray that you are on friendly terms with the monster under your bed.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not worry about any of the above if you have a dog or a parrot.</span></li>
<li><span>If you do have angry ghosts or malicious spirits, buy a possessed sword to slay them.</span></li>
<li><span>Most ghosts will not hurt you. They enjoy your company during the day.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Do not say ’</span><em><span>If you are there, show yourself</span></em><span>’ to reassure yourself. Sometimes they do appear.</span>
</li>
<li>
<span>You are developing a virtue by going downstairs at night: </span><em><span>courage</span></em><span>. Consider making this a daily practice.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Brush your teeth. Always. </span></li>
</ol><p>
  <em>
    <span>Note</span>
  </em>
  <span>: We cannot guarantee your safety if you have a cat. Some argue cats are the harbingers of demons and evil. We will do more research on this in the future.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0064"><h2>64. When going to the fair</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>When going to the fair</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Supernatural beings often use haunted houses as a front to harvest souls.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring a large backpack.</span></li>
<li><span>Pack an emergency kit.</span></li>
<li><span>Bring cash and a knife.</span></li>
<li><span>When driving the bumper cars. Dominate.</span></li>
<li><span>If Carl is also driving, get out.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not drink any tea prior to entering the Tea Cups or risk being consumed.</span></li>
<li><span>The Ferris Wheel is a safe attraction, most of the time.</span></li>
<li><span>You can meet you from parallel universes in the House of Mirrors.</span></li>
<li><span>When in the House of Mirrors, knock on the mirrors. If your hand goes through, security is flimsy, or someone is conspiring against you. Take out your knife.</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure the real you walks out of the house.</span></li>
<li><span>Malicious spirits often flock towards the punching machine. They like to pick a fight. Do not punch too hard.</span></li>
<li><span>Fireworks are often lit to keep spirits at bay.</span></li>
<li><span>Plushies you can win are sometimes possessed. Examine thoroughly!</span></li>
<li><span>There is nothing wrong with cotton candy.</span></li>
<li><span>The merry-go-round is not merry in the slightest.</span></li>
<li><span>Be careful not to throw a secret combination when doing the basketball shot.</span></li>
<li><span>It can be peaceful to sit on a hill and watch the fair from afar at night. Observe the marvelous display of lights and let the storm of noise come to you as faint whispers carried by the wind.</span></li>
<li><span>If fireworks are lit when doing 18, chances are you are in the presence of many friendly spirits. Feel free to make conversation.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0065"><h2>65. Taking the midnight train</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Taking the midnight train</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Keep an eye out for ghost trains. They pull in more often than you think.</span></li>
<li><span>If you hear the flute signal once, enter. If you hear it twice, enter at your own risk. If you hear it three times, run. </span></li>
<li><span>The train does not always enjoy carrying human passengers. </span></li>
<li><span>Make sure to never carry peanut butter in your luggage.</span></li>
<li><span>Never wear matching socks.</span></li>
<li><span>If a man in an oversized brown coat sits next to you and asks you for the time, tell him it is nine o'clock. He will go away. Eventually. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not eat any food offered to you. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not use the bathrooms between 00:06 and 00:26. </span></li>
<li><span>When you hear the railroad crossing bells, spirits are entering the train. They are passengers just like you.</span></li>
<li><span>Always keep your ticket in your right pocket.</span></li>
<li><span>Someone will want to buy your ticket. Refuse to sell it at all costs. </span></li>
<li><span>If your ticket changes date, do not be alarmed. </span></li>
<li><span>You might hear weird sounds down the aisle. </span></li>
<li><span>Never fall asleep with your head against the window.</span></li>
<li><span>Always count the number of passengers in your carriage. If the number changes before a stop, leave immediately. </span></li>
<li><span>Passengers sometimes change faces.</span></li>
<li><span>Always get off at your stop. Not doing so allows for the train to claim you. </span></li>
<li><span>Never ask when the next stop is.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember rule 17. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not travel alone, it keeps you sane.</span></li>
<li><span>Pixies are your friends, fairies are your foes. Do not trust either though.</span></li>
<li><span>If you forget your luggage in the train, it is imperative you forget about it.</span></li>
<li><span>Never let the train conductor see you with more than two rings on one hand.</span></li>
<li><span>Jack is the good driver, Steve is alright, Martin will get you killed.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not leave your seat if the train comes to an abrupt stop in the Middle of Nowhere.</span></li>
<li><span>When going through tunnels, the sounds might scare you, but only be frightened once you feel their presence.</span></li>
<li><span>Silence is okay. Too much silence is not. </span></li>
<li><span>Pay attention to the lights before getting off; if the lights flicker and dim, think twice about leaving. </span></li>
<li><span>Exit through the right door.</span></li>
<li><span>Always thank the tracks for not taking you down the wrong path. </span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0066"><h2>66. Getting abducted by aliens and how to escape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Getting abducted by aliens and how to escape</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Sit on top of a tall building and meditate. They will come.</span></li>
<li><span>Older spaceships do not automatically adjust the tractor beam to the mass of the object it beams up. </span></li>
<li><span>If possible, chalk down how much you weigh.</span></li>
<li><span>Wear a backpack. Strap it on tightly. Bring food.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Once on board, do not say ’</span><em><span>take me to your leader</span></em><span>’, or anything threatening. </span>
</li>
<li><span>Prepare for telepathic torture.</span></li>
<li><span>Escape is unlikely once in space.</span></li>
<li><span>Wish upon the stars. They might take you home.</span></li>
<li><span>The escape pods are too small.</span></li>
<li><span>Space wars increase your chances of both escaping and dying.</span></li>
<li><span>If you make it to another planet, escape. Walk on hands and feet. They will not recognize you. </span></li>
<li><span>Locate the nearest telephone booth. They are translucent yellow. Call HGK477.</span></li>
<li><span>Having HGK477 come pick you up is extremely expensive. Get insurance.</span></li>
</ol><p>
  <em>
    <span>Note</span>
  </em>
  <span>: This guide is flawed and needs more research for more accurate results. However, the researcher got beamed up in a terrible fashion and has let us know he does not want to continue the research.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If you want insurance, comment </span>
  <b>GET477NOW</b>
  <span>. It’s free.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0067"><h2>67. During a blackout</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>During a blackout</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Don’t rush for a flashlight or a candle. Just stay calm.</span></li>
<li><span>You may feel like you’re being watched. You are. But don’t worry, they’re not here to hurt you. They just got a bit overly excited.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes, during a blackout, a single TV will turn on. Turn it off.</span></li>
<li><span>You’ll often hear voices. If you focus you can make out what they’re saying. Feel free to strike up a conversation if they seem friendly.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember, nothing will hurt you in a blackout unless you panic.</span></li>
<li><span>This is always a nice opportunity to go outside and look at the stars. Don’t try to find constellations though. The ones you know aren’t there.</span></li>
<li><span>It may seem as if there’s someone else in your house. Pay them no mind.</span></li>
<li><span>Your pets will get anxious. Comfort them.</span></li>
<li><span>You may think this is a good time to try to commune with some spirits. And it absolutely is! Say hi.</span></li>
<li><span>Though the dark will not hurt you in any manner, you may start to feel strange and have strange thoughts. Focus on your breathing in these instances.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes people you know disappear in blackouts. Don’t worry. They’ll be there when the lights turn back on.</span></li>
<li><span>Many of them are lonely. You may even hear crying. It is wise to comfort them. The blackout likely won’t stop until they find peace.</span></li>
<li><span>Stay away from mirrors.</span></li>
<li><span>As long as you take the back door, you can wander wherever you want and explore things you’d normally never see. When the lights come back on you’ll be back home and those paths will be gone. Just don’t use the front door to do this.</span></li>
<li><span>Once the blackout ends, you may feel compelled to say goodbye. It’s best you don’t. It’ll only make it harder for them.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0068"><h2>68. Manifesting your imaginary friend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Manifesting your imaginary friend</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Imagine your friend. Let it come to you. </span></li>
<li><span>Imagine what is inside your friend. Give it mass.</span></li>
<li><span>Consider its personality. </span></li>
<li><span>The more energy and focus you put into creating your friend, the more independent and powerful it becomes.</span></li>
<li><span>Keep talking to your friend and imagine it being in the same room as you. It will eventually manifest. </span></li>
<li><span>If your imaginary friend appears in the form of a young child who stares into your eyes without talking or blinking, lock it up immediately. This imaginary friend is not yours, and you do not want to deal with it. </span></li>
<li><span>If your imaginary friend has not manifested yet, never hug or shake hands in public. You will look stupid.</span></li>
<li><span>Others can see, touch, and interact with your friend.</span></li>
<li><span>It has its own free will.</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure it looks 100% human. </span></li>
<li><span>Keep anything less than human in the basement. The organization might take it and you away.</span></li>
<li><span>You can do all sorts of activities with your friend, but never let it be in charge.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not let it harm you.</span></li>
<li><span>It only dies when you die.</span></li>
<li><span>In case you have to lock your friend up in the basement, make sure it does not attract the attention of visitors.</span></li>
<li><span>Consider getting a cat or dog. </span></li>
<li><span>Talking dogs or cats are a big no-no.</span></li>
<li><span>Really think about what you are getting yourself into.</span></li>
<li><span>Have its knowledge match its age.</span></li>
<li><span>Treason is unlikely.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember, your soul is in it. Your soul will be judged. Take full responsibility. </span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0069"><h2>69. Exploring abandoned buildings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Exploring abandoned buildings</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Bring a flashlight. </span></li>
<li><span>Bring an extra flashlight.</span></li>
<li><span>Walk the perimeter. Locate all possible exits.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not be deterred by barbed-wire, high walls, and locked doors. But be on the lookout for holes and tunnels leading to the building.</span></li>
<li><span>Wear a mask, gloves, and ideally, a complete protection suit.</span></li>
<li><span>Test your steps.</span></li>
<li><span>Have a fully charged cell phone with you in case you get trapped. </span></li>
<li><span>If the water is still working, leave immediately.</span></li>
<li><span>Never shut the doors behind you. </span></li>
<li><span>The old man sitting by the campfire is not real. The campfire is.</span></li>
<li><span>Check if the campfire is built on concrete. If not, leave.</span></li>
<li><span>Talk to the man if you want to find yourself.</span></li>
<li><span>It is advised to bring a bottle of whiskey.</span></li>
<li><span>Be careful not to break anything.</span></li>
<li>
<span>If you hear a woman yell ’</span><em><span>Don’t wake the baby!</span></em><span>’, yell back ’</span><em><span>You don’t wake the baby!</span></em><span>’</span>
</li>
<li><span>Avoid the man sitting in front of a trash can fire. He is real, the fire is not. It burns souls.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not sit in the armchair. </span></li>
<li><span>If a door you had opened is now closed, pray it was the wind. </span></li>
<li><span>Some rooms might be more chilly than others. It is normal.</span></li>
<li><span>If you get a message from a friend asking to hang out, do not reply.</span></li>
<li><span>They are always watching.</span></li>
<li><span>A creaking floor is a bad omen.</span></li>
<li><span>The sudden breaking of windows is to be ignored.</span></li>
<li><span>The building might not want you to leave.</span></li>
<li><span>If there is music playing, it’s probably the wind carrying it from someplace else.</span></li>
<li><span>There are cats. Many cats.</span></li>
<li><span>The cats can protect you.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not look through the windows.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not take any pictures with flash. Some things are better left unseen. </span></li>
<li><span>Leave some food for the cats. </span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0070"><h2>70. How to talk to the wind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>How to talk to the wind</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>If the wind falls silent, she is listening to you. Speak.</span></li>
<li><span>Always whisper.</span></li>
<li><span>In case there is a wind swirl carrying autumn leaves, step back. Let her dance. </span></li>
<li><span>Don’t go outside if the wind is howling. The ghosts are passing through. </span></li>
<li><span>She already knows everything about you. Never lie.</span></li>
<li><span>You may play the flute.</span></li>
<li><span>Listen to storms. Don’t talk. </span></li>
<li><span>She gives life to your words. Make them meaningful. Especially when you talk to her.</span></li>
<li><span>If she whispers in your ear, listen closely. It means she trusts you enough to share her secrets. </span></li>
<li><span>Words travel far and fast. Don’t say anything that could awake the spirits. </span></li>
<li><span>She has a strong temperament and gets angry easily. Make sure to always be nice to her, you don’t want to be on her bad side.</span></li>
<li><span>If she is talking to thunder, leave them alone. They don’t want you to hear. </span></li>
<li><span>When she greets you with a breeze the following morning, pretend you didn’t hear them. </span></li>
<li><span>A sudden draft is always a bad omen. </span></li>
<li><span>Never, ever, complain about her. She will remember.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0071"><h2>71. When driving at night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>When driving at night</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>If you start to feel drowsy it’s best to find a motel and sleep. But keep your eyes down.</span></li>
<li><span>Before picking up a hitchhiker check to see if they’re wearing shoes.</span></li>
<li><span>Occasionally you’ll stumble across strange radio channels. Don’t listen to anything they say.</span></li>
<li><span>Disregard what might appear in your mirrors.</span></li>
<li><span>If your car is suddenly low on gas exit the vehicle immediately.</span></li>
<li><span>If you see someone trying to fix their car on the side of the road get out and help. But don’t ask any questions.</span></li>
<li><span>The contents of your trunk may vary.</span></li>
<li><span>If a strange fog suddenly rolls in turn on your air conditioner. It’s looking for warm objects.</span></li>
<li><span>You may hear strange things from your radio. Remember that you do not have a radio.</span></li>
<li><span>When ordering fast food always avoid the drive-through.</span></li>
<li><span>Sometimes people appear in your backseat. Make idle conversation and don’t antagonize them. They’re just wondering.</span></li>
<li><span>Focus on your lane.</span></li>
<li><span>Check through your phone camera if the traffic light has really turned green; spirits like to deceive you.</span></li>
<li><span>Never turn on the windshield wipers. Get out and clean the window manually if needed.</span></li>
<li><span>It is perfectly acceptable to sometimes take strange dirt roads claiming to be shortcuts. Enjoy those routes. They’re never there for long.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0072"><h2>72. Rules For Ghost Hunting and Such For People Who Do Not Normally See Them</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Rules For Ghost Hunting and Such For People Who Do Not Normally See Them</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>As someone who sees ghosts, I advise you to completely cover your skin, including ankles, hands, and your face. Except for your ears and eyes.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Do not ever cover your ears. You </span><em><span>will</span></em><span> need them to hear.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Do not speak aloud. Instead, focus on a mental connection. Ghosts don’t like voices, and some latch onto you this way.</span></li>
<li><span>Always remember Rule 2.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Once they are open to you, </span><em><span>you</span></em> <em><span>are open to them.</span></em>
</li>
<li><span>Experiences tend to be few and far in between. My first visual was at five, then ten, and then an unsettling amount of presences and mishaps at 15. If you are constantly seeing one, it is most likely tracking you.</span></li>
<li><span>If you have read this guide in the hopes of figuring out how to permanently get rid of a ghost, sorry. The most I know to tell you is to very clearly and loudly state they are not welcome here. This is most effective if you’ve never spoken to them before. Watch out for more tailing behind.</span></li>
<li>
<span>If you see a young girl named Victoria with a mangled leg, </span><em><span>get the hell out of there and get a friend to tell her to leave. A tall man with no face may come for revenge. Prepare yourself. </span></em>
</li>
<li><span>Always be prepared. </span></li>
<li><span>A phone is more effective than a radio or walkie talkies if you want a buffer or distraction.</span></li>
<li><span>Stay calm and be firm. Fear is easily manipulated.</span></li>
<li><span>Your feet are the most vulnerable part of you. Make sure you can run fast and move nimbly.</span></li>
<li><span>Developing ghosts tend to hide under things and in shadows. Avoid that.</span></li>
<li><span>You really shouldn’t be ghost hunting. </span></li>
<li><span>Remember Rule 5. It is the most vital thing to know.</span></li>
<li><span>It is not always possible to close yourself from the supernatural once you are open to it. Most chose to open themselves. Ones like me are born without a choice.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not imagine anything in particular about a ghost. You will warp the connection.</span></li>
<li><span>Stay focused on your objective.</span></li>
<li><span>Everything has an objective and a personality. Observe it.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not let them touch you. You may feel them, but if you see them attempting to touch you, break the connection. They may touch you before you see them and that is less dangerous.</span></li>
<li><span>Breaking a connection is not easy without another person who doesn’t feel it. Screaming and motion can help.</span></li>
<li><span>Footsteps when you are alone is not something to be ignored.</span></li>
<li><span>The best protection is a non-believer, or someone the ghost has decided Unnecessary.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid anything that feels off or malicious.</span></li>
<li>
<span>If you saw something, you </span><em><span>most definitely saw something. </span></em><span>Don’t disregard it. </span>
</li>
<li>
<span>Under </span><em><span>no circumstances</span></em><span>, should you panic. Period.</span>
</li>
<li><span>Do not expect a ghost to deem you Necessary. It is usually better to be left alone.</span></li>
<li><span>Ghosts mostly appear in white and black. Watch out for colors. </span></li>
<li><span>If you’re colorblind, do not go alone.</span></li>
<li><span>Going alone makes you both more vulnerable and more open.</span></li>
<li>
<span>Most ghosts will stare at you. If you can’t feel that, leave. Just </span><em><span>leave.</span></em>
</li>
<li><span>You can always move. Even when you are frozen in fear. Do not allow them to render you motionless.</span></li>
<li><span>Most ghosts are tied to a location, usually a house.</span></li>
<li><span>Trust your instincts. The connection generally defies logical thinking and the ghost will attempt to push you towards certain decisions.</span></li>
<li><span>35. Do not let fear taint you.</span></li>
<li><span>Banging, footsteps, scuttling, and whispering are common noises for ghosts and such.</span></li>
<li><span>Avoid small areas. </span></li>
<li><span>Avoid rooms with too many dangerous or sharp objects.</span></li>
<li><span>Bullets do not work.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not bring any weapons beyond a heavy stick. Even that can be ill-advised.</span></li>
<li><span>Make sure clothing is form fitting. No holes, no gaps, no open zippers. Jackets are a good idea.</span></li>
<li><span>If you find yourself in a verbal conversation with a ghost, be prepared for anything. Even death. Most will not speak.</span></li>
<li><span>Powerful ones can bounce thoughts back and forth through the connection. The best thing to do is to project your thoughts at the ghost and narrate the situation. </span></li>
<li><span>Remain in control. If a ghost attempts to take control, sever the connection.</span></li>
<li><span>The more stuff you meddle in, the more stuff that can come at you. Everything is complicated and most likely, harmful. Do not strike deals or make promises.</span></li>
<li><span>Staircases are very vulnerable. Avoid ones without handrails. You will eventually have to go down if you go up and ghosts can make sure you fall.</span></li>
<li><span>Remember Rule 24, Rule 25, and Rule 34.</span></li>
<li><span>Windows and doors can be locked. I advise smashing windows if locked in and avoid rooms without them.</span></li>
<li><span>Not once I have ever encountered a ghost where it was above a cool temperature.</span></li>
<li><span>Do not follow a ghost anywhere. Water, ice, underground, forest, and anything above the first floor or flammable is a trap. Do not allow them to herd you into one either.</span></li>
</ol>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0073"><h2>73. Surviving a Desert</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span>Surviving a Desert</span>
</h2><ol>
<li><span>Only move at dusk and dawn. </span></li>
<li><span>Cover yourself. The sun is an old and angry thing. </span></li>
<li><span>Try not to leave tracks. </span></li>
<li><span>Not all that is visible is real. </span></li>
<li><span>Not all that is real is visible. </span></li>
<li><span>When you start hearing the voices of the dead, settle down and do not move. They will pass you by. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not approach caravans. </span></li>
<li><span>Dreams had in the desert are either prophetic or real. Decide wisely which to believe. </span></li>
<li><span>There are no wolves here. You will hear them anyway. </span></li>
<li><span>Never rest in the bottom of a dune valley. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not speak to anything that has not proven itself to be human. </span></li>
<li><span>When the sand shakes, run. </span></li>
<li><span>Cover your mouth. The sand will coat your lungs. </span></li>
<li><span>Seeing things in the day is not a problem. Seeing things at night should be.  </span></li>
<li><span>Never play the flute. </span></li>
<li><span>Always carry a sack of sugar for hungry things. </span></li>
<li><span>You are meat. Do not forget this fact. </span></li>
<li><span>If there is something in your periphery, do not look at it. It wants you to. </span></li>
<li><span>Dig yourself into the ground in a sandstorm. The wind will take you away. </span></li>
<li><span>The flames are not real. </span></li>
<li><span>The shadows are not real. </span></li>
<li><span>Never close your tent flap all the way. It is impolite. </span></li>
<li><span>Never let your lantern go out. </span></li>
<li><span>The ancient have no love for the young. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not drink water offered to you. </span></li>
<li><span>Do not watch the dancers. They will trick you. </span></li>
<li><span>There should be no clouds. If there are, move until they disappear. </span></li>
<li><span>Travel alone. You will invariably lose your companions. </span></li>
<li><span>Someone will cry out for help. Do not follow the voice. </span></li>
<li>
<span>T</span><span>he murmurs of veiled ones are to be disregarded.</span>
</li>
</ol>
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